The Princess
by Korean Pearl
Summary: Maya is a prisoner on the Blade Ship.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Applegate's universe, as cool as it is, or any elements from it.

**Claimer: **I do, however, own whatever is not Applegate's.

_I would like to dedicate this fic to Wraithlord42, my beta, and to Tabatha51, for being my first reviewer when I started this series with The Elemaki Chronicles. _

**THE PRINCESS**

_And oh, god, how could so much regret and so much sweetness and so much sadness all be present in that single moment. I was already dead and missing my unlived life. I was already dead and Tobias was mourning._

_ - Rachel, The Beginning_

Chapter 1:

My name is Maya.

_My name is Maya._

And I'm in despair.

Why am I in this state? It would take a while to tell you. I guess it'll suffice to say that I'm on a death mission, a mission that I'm certain to die in.

Then again, I've been on a death mission my entire life. From the second I was conceived by an Elemaki mother and an Andalite father on the Andalite Home World, I was on death mission. And it was a risky one, especially since Elemaki are an inferior race on the home world.

I made my way to Earth, somehow. I still don't quite know how or why every event that happened in my life led me here, led me to through North Korea, to a street in California where I met street kids who I raised for only a few years, until I left them to live with a suburbanite mother, Helen, as ordered per the glorious being known as the Ellimist.

Yeah, I was bitter about it for a while, especially after my new home led me to run into the Animorphs. I mean, after everything I had been through on Earth, I wasn't exactly interested in helping humans.

But I did. For those few humans who _had _shown me kindness to a little half-Elemaki girl morphed human by morphing power provided via Ellimist.

I've figured out by now that that guy had a lot of interest in me. Again, I'm not quite sure why. He was interested enough in me allow me to get my street kids back, though. Well, back in time for them to help us Animorphs throw every last ounce of resistance at the Yeerk Empire.

All eight of them, including my adoptive brother Oscar who came with me to live with Helen. Sandy, Drew, little Anna, Lola, Rocky, Kat, Carlos, Lupita…

They came before the Yeerks decimated the city, but only just in time. The city's in ruins, now. My foster mom's house, Helen, where she took in orphans, including me, was in shambles.

The world is, quite literally, falling apart before my eyes.

And I don't know what to do.

Sometimes… sometimes, I'll admit, I'm tempted to go into the Yeerk compound and steal a ship. Steal a spaceship big enough for Mom, for my street kids, for the whole compound if I needed to, and just take off. We could start over, I know.

Except I don't want to. Not anymore. Not after what Jake did to me.

It was so unlike Jake to do that… to blackmail Erek into helping our cause.

And then what Erek told us about Jenny…

My mind drifted as I remembered Jenny, remember who she had been.

_She looked at me with grim eyes. "My parents are getting divorced."_

_I almost fell off of my chair. First of all, Jenny's parents aren't even her parents; they're a bunch of ancient robots that parade as her parents. She's as old as they are. And a divorce? What the heck did she mean?_

_I asked her._

"_They've been arguing lately," she said. "You know, about who and what to support. My mom wants to go all out, but Dad isn't that supportive. You know, the whole use violence or not thing."_

_I heard her and translated in my mind. Jenny's mom, whose name was Leah, wanted to be more aggressive against the Yeerks, but Mr. King, and Erek, didn't._

_Which was really weird. I mean, Erek and his "dad" were known to be the ones who actually wanted to resist the Yeerks, among a small minority. Did this mean that there was even a smaller minority who wanted to fight the Yeerks?_

_I asked her in thought-speech, something I am able to do because of the Ellimist. Or, because of what he did to me. It's confusing, just deal with it. Anyway, Jenny nodded, and answered. "There are five of us. We all want to live together, away from the others, because they don't accept us."_

_(The Chee want to be able to do violence?)_

_She shook her head. "No, we just want to do more than espionage."_

_We cut the conversation there, because it was getting dangerously close to revealing everything._

_And that was something that neither of us wanted to do._

_Funny, actually. Jenny was millenniums old, and she was a robot. I had a fourteen-year-old human body that was Amer-asian due to the use of the Forsil Maneuver, but had the mind of seventeen-year-old Elemaki, the name of the inferior race on the Andalite Home World._

_And we were more similar than anyone else in this three thousand nine hundred and sixty three point one six seven six radius span of Earth._

_It actually isn't funny._

_It's depressing, that my best friend isn't even alive._

_Then again, that means she's not gonna die either, which is a good thing after all the deaths I've witnessed._

"She's dead," Erek had told me, his hologram gone. "She and five other Chee. They had left the compound the day before you guys went in and blew up the Yeerk pool, and they never came back."

He paused, before saying pointedly to Jake, "Actually, I should probably say that she's _destroyed _as opposed to dead."

Dead… destroyed… another one… so many lives, twisted away from me…

"She would have helped you, Jake," I had almost whispered. "She was always eager to do more for the fight. A programming glitch, she told me once. A desire to overcome passivity, but programmed to be peaceful forever."

And now…

I had seen Jake and Rachel together. I knew what they had been planning.

And I knew that I was coming with her. Coming with her in this suicidal crazy plan to kill kill kill as many Yeerks and humans and Hork-Bajir as we could on the Blade Ship.

But I was good at killing. I was a Nadar, a warrior who dined on blood.

So I told Jake I was going with Rachel, and now it's too late to back out and I'm scared, yes, me, Maya, I'm scared because I know I'm going to die.

"My kids…" I had started, before faltering.

"They'll be with James and his crew, on the ground," Jake had assured me. "They'll be safer than with us inside the Pool ship."

I nodded. "Okay. That's good."

And then I left, I turned around, and left them all behind me.

* * *

(Rachel?) I called. I was a flea on Tom's head along with Rachel. 

(Yeah?)

I paused for a moment, remembering Rachel leaving Mom's rough cabin with tears in her eyes, as they had embraced, as Rachel looked towards me with more peace in her face than I had ever seen before.

(You okay?)

She paused for a moment, and then answered, almost quietly, (This is it, you know.)

(Yeah, I know.)

(And we'll do our duty.)

A plain statement, but it was loaded. Our duty. Yes, we'd do our duty.

(Yes,) I answered. (We will.)

(Okay,) she responded. (I'm launching off. We'd better get going.)

I nodded mentally, and then propelled myself off of Tom, falling down a gigantic building, knowing from experience that I was going to land safely when my fall was cut short as I fell into huge folds of what appeared to be cloth.

(Maya, you done?)

The folds encircled me, making me irritated, but I began climbing my way out of the sleeve, as I assumed it was, hoping to get a clear path to the ground.

(You go first,) I told her. (I'm having some turbulence issues.)

She laughed, a nervous giggle more to release tension, before she said, (Okay. Let's do it.)

_Yes. Let's do it. Let's find a way out of this stupid sleeve._

However, the sleeve seemed bent on thwarting me. _C'mon, c'mon, _I urged myself, climbing over and over threads and bumps. _Find someplace you can jump off of. And hurry._

I had just made my way to the edge of the cuff, when I felt the air drop suddenly and I had to cling closely to whoever's sleeve it was to keep from falling.

_Air drop. Air drop._

_You're in an airshaft._

Don't panic, I immediately told myself. Don't panic. You can find your way back in time.

But I couldn't keep thoughts of blame and frustration from bubbling up. Of course of all the places to land I'd land on someone's sleeve, a someone who would use an airshaft to leave the bridge…

I held myself together until the instant I felt a change in the air, and then began demorphing immediately, on the person's sleeve. When I was about as big as a dime, I catapulted myself off, this time landing on the floor.

I demorphed as quickly as I could, and then took a look around. I was in a hallway, with no one else in sight.

I ran to the air shaft and it shot upwards, taking me back to the bridge. Hurry, c'mon, hurry, c'mon, I begged the inanimate object. Hurry…

It stopped, and I stepped outside onto the bridge.

Rachel.

She smiled beautifully at me, her golden hair streaming behind her. She then turned to the screen, and said, "I love you."

I ran forward on the floor that was slick with blood, ignoring Jake's (Where _were _you?) as I dove towards the polar bear who brought his massive white arm down down down, clawing into Rachel's side, throwing her to the side as she landed, bleeding, dead.

I slipped and tripped on the blood covered floor and found myself face to face with a snake whose clouded eyes mirrored mine.

I began morphing instinctively, but a well placed blow to the back of my head kept me down, and the only thoughts I could maintain were pitiful ones. The only fight that I could have made a difference in, and all did was trip.

"Stop, you fools," a voice snapped, as I slipped in and out of consciousness. I had been beaten without even a fight.

(Jake,) I called, fighting to keep the blackness from overwhelming me. (Tell my kids…)

(They're dead,) he responded. (The Visser killed all of them. James and his crew, and your kids.)

"Why did you kill her, you imbecile! The Animorph would have made a perfect host. Don't kill this one either."

(But…) a thought-speech voice said.

"Now that our leader is dead," the voice said pointedly, "I am in control. In control of the ship, the destination, and the prisoner."

The prisoner, I thought dimly. That's me.

"Are any of our Yeerks near mating time?" the voice asked, and a no was murmured.

"Very well. Then we shall have to turn to other means to break the prisoner."

I faded out as hands reached down to grab me and throw me into a room, breaking the string of _failure failure failure _that was running through my head.

I had failed.

Everybody.

* * *

"**Ellimist, what could possibly want with this girl? She's a _Nadar. _She should be one of mine."**

"**What I want with her is none of your business, Crayak."**

"**And so I'm supposed to watch as you take one of the finest haters of the universe and watch as she is tortured, broken down until she is of no more use?"**

"**Yes."**

"**Ellimist, I don't trust you. I know what a sentimental fool you are, you _wanted _this meddling band of Animorphs to make it out alive, together, the seven of them. And yet for some reason this Maya is so important that you sacrifice Rachel to keep her."**

"**I didn't Rachel to fall into your hands."**

"**And now, if my plans work out, _Maya_ will fall into mine. She's the perfect Nadar, Ellimist. You know that. If she is strong enough to endure this torture, then she will come out even more perfectly crafted. What I'm afraid of is that she will be broken."**

"**As am I."**

"**Perfect. For once we are on the same side of the board."**

"**Maya is mine, Crayak. You cannot touch her."**

"**If she chooses to come to me, of her own free will, you cannot stop her."**

"**She will not choose you."**

"**We will see about that. Give her a month or two under the lash, in chains, objectified. Give her a month of memories to live through. And then we'll see."**

* * *

**Review Responses**

**Toby – **Hey! Good to see that you're back. And glad you like the style change. I think I might have slipped back for this chapter, mostly because this is another one of those transition chapters. :makes face: And everyone knows how much I hate those. Anyway, thanks for your review!

**Elwing – **I will actually be doing my own take on whether the Animorphs survived or not, so we'll see about that. And I hope this update was soon enough. And about the princess part – CHEESE! (I give out cheese instead of answers to guesses about the future. Which is also why I don't generally give out outlines beforehand, also because I usually don't write them. ) And yes, it does involve Maya. All my fics so far have, and they will continue to involve Maya, although she won't be a major player in some of them.

**A – cat – **Oh yeah, fanfic deletes my own subdividers for some reason, and I forgot to put them up inside the document manager thing. Thanks for reminding me, though, I will be sure to do that for this fic! And as for the Fight of the Forgiven, I honestly have no background for it. I was thinking something way back in history, perhaps when Andalites and Elemaki were at war, and the only way to make peace was to do it individually, one Andalite and one Elemaki, and then life went on and the Andalites won the wars and this fight eventually became a fight of forgiveness between the Andalite and the Elemaki. But beyond that, which was just a rough sketch of an idea that I made right now, I really didn't have any background. That's open to you, or anybody, if you want to take up on that.

And oh, I see about Tom. Yeah, I always viewed him as two or three years older than Jake, and only two grades ahead. And I think it was a KASU that they didn't seem to change schools between middle and high school. And thanks for the offer about book 54, but I actually finally got a copy, so that's cool. Thanks for your review, and here's the update!

**Anidragon - **:grins: Tres glad you liked.

**Hey **– Tom's Yeerk is dead… for now… :evil laugh and then chokes:

**Birdie **– Aw, thanks. And I'm sorry about not having Elemaki legs… I think I could lend you some. :scrounges around until she find some and dusts them off and hands them over:

**HFN – **Yeah, I think I could make you into a character. You might not show up for a while, and no saying whether you'll be human, or even sentient, but yeah, I think I could fit you in. No promises though, but I'll do what I can. And yup, Tom is dead. For now.

**Kaz456 – **Thanks. I'm glad you liked that scene. Yeah, Maya's gone a long way since she first clapped eyes on Ax. And actually, I got a copy of the book, so there's no need, but thanks for the offer!

**DH – **Oh, whoops, sorry. I was jumping to a scene in book 50, and I guess I kind of forgot to let on that the others were there as well. And actually, yeah, I had put that scene about race and racism back there to use it. I actually already had known about the Fight of the Forgiven and where and how it was going to take place, even all the way back then. I have every second chronicled in my mind up to Maya's death, but that's not for a while yet. And sometimes it changes, but I've got the basics down.

And aw, thanks! That really makes me happy, that you think of Maya as a real Animorph. And yeah, I had always wondered why Jake couldn't have just knocked Tom out, so I had Maya express that thought. And so glad you liked the Forgiveness thing. Here's an update, I hope it's soon enough:grins:


	2. Chapter 2

_Tom was dead._

_And I wondered how I was ever going to explain it. I had ordered my cousin to execute my brother. How would I ever explain that?_

_All these years I'd fought to keep us all alive, to stop the Yeerks, always with the hope that someday I would save my brother, that he would come back, that he'd be Tom again. That was why I had enlisted in the war to begin with. I was going to save Tom._

_Tom was dead. The Yeerk in his head was dead._

_And Rachel. Probably Maya, too._

_And how many others?_

_General Doubleday's soldiers who had provided the suicidal diversionary attack on the ground._

_The auxiliary Animorphs who had gone with them to trick the enemy._

_Maya's Nadarlets._

_How many of Toby's people?_

_Seventeen thousand Yeerks, frozen. Flushed into space._

_Plus._

_Plus._

_All at my command._

_- Jake, The Beginning_

Chapter 2:

I lifted my head slowly. The room was a hazy blur before me, forcing me to close my eyes for several seconds to calm down. I opened them again, slowly, to find myself in what appeared to be a garbage room, littered with dead bodies - had _I_ killed them? - and other debris.

And over at the far corner, I saw a glimmer of gold.

In a flash I was up. My head throbbed as I hurried over to Rachel's dead body. My face merely winced at the sight, but inside my heart was torn open by the sight of beautiful, beautiful Rachel's corpse, her face impaled by a polar bear's claws.

Memories of the other two girls who had depended on me, trusted me, washed over me. And I stared at the third girl who had worked with me, who had fought with me, and who had died and left me behind.

Eun-hee, the North Korean child whose family had been slaughtered by soldiers for their faith in their God. The girl who had accepted me immediately as a half-Andalite, half-Elemaki, the girl who I had gone to a North Korean concentration camp with... a girl who had been killed, with me unable to stop her murderer.

Anna, the ten-year-old prostitute who had got pregnant and had given birth to a baby girl. The girl who I had lived with on the streets of America, being a mother to the street children whom I had crafted into my deadly gang. Lovely red-haired Anna who had been raped to death... a girl who had been killed, with me unable to stop her murderer.

Rachel, the Animorph, the second 3rd Gen. Nadar I had ever known. The warrior who had loved the war, the warrior who had lived with me in the third part of my life so far. We had studied together, shopped together, fought together. And now she was dead, too. A death that would kill Tobias, kill Jake, kill me. Because she was... a girl who had been killed, with me unable to stop her murderer.

_Again._

I was pathetic.

What was the point of being capable of taking a life when it didn't save another?

Eun-hee's and Anna's DNA had been stored in my body. My human morph was a mixture of theirs, and so in a small, feeble way I had tried to save at least their outer shells.

I stared at Rachel's dead body and then knelt swiftly on the trash around us. I touched my fingers to her forehead, acquiring her DNA.

"You're the last one," I swore to her dead body. "I'll never let anyone I love die again."

Just like you promised after the slave children were sold off by the pearl fisher, huh? And your Nadarlets – you did a great job of saving them as well. Now they're dead, and guess what? You're still alive. Like always. Why do you keep trying?

I ignored that voice of death and stood. With closed eyes I added Rachel's DNA to Eun-hee's and Anna's. I felt my face fill out, felt my spine grow, but I kept my frame the same. My hair straightened, lightened, and lengthened from Eun-hee's original short black.

When I opened my eyes to look at my reflection in the wall, I could see all the parts of my life looking back at me. North Korea, the streets (oh, my Nadarlets), and the Animorphs.

My brain, however, my mind that was hidden from the world, was that half-Elemaki brain that had matured in Earth, but retained its alien brilliance.

And it was with this mind that I looked at the remains of the dead snake.

It was Tom.

"_There's this special type of snake I read about somewhere," I said, as Rachel reached for a pad of paper to write down my words. "It injects potassium chloride into its victim, which gives it an overdose of potassium. Potassium is necessary for our survival, but too much can kill you."_

"_Hold on," Rachel demanded, as she scribbled what I just said down. I waited until she looked up, and then continued with, "So in lethal injection situations, they use this type of poison to kill the person."_

"_Cool."_

"_There was something else about snakes, too… oh, yeah. I read an article somewhere that even if a snake was dead, it could be revived if it was given something to bite."_

"_And that's real useful," Rachel commented sarcastically. "Since it's all about the death penalty."_

_I stuck my tongue out at her and laughed, as she turned to her computer. "Thanks, Maya," she said. "Now do the rest for me while I sleep, since it seems like you never need sleep."_

_Rachel got out of the chair and stretched, yawning as she climbed into bed. She was immediately out, as if Marco had hit her over the head in his gorilla morph. _

"_Sleep well," I murmured, before turning to Rachel's report about the death penalty. I finished it quickly, saved it, and printed it out before morphing to merlin and flying out of her open window._

I stared at that snake for a long time. Then, with a sudden thrust, I stuck my foot into the snake's fanged mouth and watched with fascination as the reptile bit into it, as it began shaking, growing -

Morphing.

I grabbed a piece of knife from the pile and cut my leg off at the knee to keep the poison from spreading upwards, almost fainting from the pain. I did, however, tumble over, my stump of a leg bleeding profusely as I closed my eyes, waiting.

I heard a door open, and then a muffled curse, in a… British accent? Curious, I lifted my head to see a young man in his early twenties, staring back at me and at what was now Tom.

I glanced up at Tom, and felt almost a wave of despair. What had made me do that? What had made me undo Rachel's work? The Nadar instinct had been so strong, but couldn't I have fought it?

Tom lifted his head and looked directly at me before glancing past me to the man standing in the doorway.

"Jeremy," Tom said. "Go and get something to stop Maya's bleeding."

The familiar way Tom said my name made me shiver, and I knew Tom had seen it when he glanced at me with a smile. Suddenly, he reached his hand down and helped me up, allowing me to lean on him so I wouldn't fall. He then picked me up, holding me like a baby, my one leg still dripping blood.

"This is for bringing me back to life," he said simply. "I won't be as nice next time."

I clung to him, almost to keep the pain from overcoming me again, and saw Rachel from behind Tom's back. Rachel, looking back at me with empty eyes.

"Here," Jeremy's voice sounded, and as we stepped out of the garbage room I felt something wrap tightly around my leg.

The pain was too much for my body to bear without any anesthetic. I passed out.

* * *

When I woke up, my leg was healed.

At first I panicked, thinking that I was a Controller, but when I shot to my feet on my own accord, I decided it was unlikely. Perhaps they had infested me, kept my mind comatose while morphing my body, or maybe they had just regenerated it and then...

And then what? What would be the point in healing it and then locking me in a box?

I had fully expected to be infested, and it was a little surprising - and disorienting - that I hadn't been.

Oh well, I shrugged. If they wanted to disorient me, I would simply refuse to be disoriented. With that thought in mind I curled up on the floor of my prison, but instantly one wall of my prison disappeared and rough hands jerked me out.

Tom was there, holding Rachel's body. He shoved her at me, and then said, "Eject her."

I assumed we were still in Earthling space, and so for a moment I hesitated, hoping for rescue, when Tom's hand shot out unexpectedly and slapped me in the face.

I had long conditioned myself to hold in pain, so I simply looked at him. He growled in response, "Throw her out or we'll mutilate her before your eyes."

I wasn't sentimental about bodies as most Earthlings were, but I knew that Tobias would need it. Knew that Cassie would, that Naomi would. That Jake would.

So it was for them that I ejected Rachel's body into space. It was for them that I conceded to a Yeerk after a mere slap.

I turned to Tom after I had ejected Rachel's body into space, and I saw him searching me for a weakness. I knew that he had expected me to put up more of a fight, so it unbalanced him to see me throw Rachel's body out so indifferently.

Point for me, I thought. Even though all I may be doing is retaliating, that's good enough for now. I can throw him off by acting and reacting in ways he'd never expect, and if it'll confuse him... make him less sure of himself... it was the only weapon I had: my mind against all his force, and I knew his torture would be forceful.

Tom dragged me back by my arm, and I didn't resist him. I could feel him hesitate - another point for me.

Tom stopped in the center of a room, and then pulled a book out from behind his back.

1984.

"This is what I have in mind for you," he said slowly. "Anything you'd like to say?"

"Two plus two is four," I responded instantly, when I saw that there were cameras around me, probably leading directly to the temporarily freed hosts to show that I'd be broken down. Not if I could help it.

A slow smile spread across Tom's face.

"No," he said. "Two plus two is five, and I am Big Brother. By the time I'm through with you, you will love Big Brother. You won't just fear him or submit to him. You will love him."

"I _do_ love you," I said coyly, batting my eyelashes, throwing him off again. I blew a kiss in the general direction of the cameras, and said, "C'mon, Big Brother. Let's get this show on the road."

The look on his face was priceless, and I spent the next month paying for it.

* * *

"**So, you wanted Tom to survive?"**

"**I don't know how many times I have to say it, Crayak, but it's really none of your business."**

"**Of course it's my business. I wanted to punish Jake for meddling with my Howlers. Killing Tom, his dear, beloved brother, was the perfect revenge. Only now you've placed your pawn, Maya, in a situation where she acts completely irrationally, and _saves _Tom – and his Yeerk."**

"**Come, Crayak, you know how strong Nadar instinct is. Don't blame Maya."**

"**Yes, I know how strong it is. Do you think I haven't spent my entire life struggling with it? Ellimist, you really are a fool."**

"**So you tell me. However, I've won this game, Crayak. I've sacrificed my queen to checkmate you, and there is nothing you can do but watch as this little drama on this Battle Ship unfolds. What happens here will change the universe, you know."**

"**The very fact that you seem to be betting everything on Maya makes me extremely suspicious, Ellimist. Are you sure that you're not hiding something from me? Some invisible sentient in the far reaches of the universe that is actually the key to everything? I watch everyone that you… _interfere _with, and the fact that you spend most of your time on Maya makes me very suspicious."**

"**If Maya wasn't the key, would I tell you?"**

"**Of course not. But you do tell me that Maya _is _the key, and you know, Ellimist… that's just not like you."**

"**I can afford to tell you that much, Crayak. This was _your _move. Your move to have Rachel and Tom die. I had nothing to do with Maya's actions. Therefore, it is now my move, and you can't do anything if I decide to wait."**

"**I should curse you for that."**

"**Save your breath, Crayak. I am already cursed. By that little Nadar down there, or didn't you know that already?"**

"**I knew, you fool. And I know you remember that she owes _me _for saving her life when she landed on Earth. _I _was the one who slowed her escape pod down so she could have enough time to escape from it before it blew to pieces. She was supposed to kill all the people in the bar to pay for that little favor of mine, and she didn't. She let one man escape, so she still owes _me,_ and I can call her on that as soon as it is my turn again."**

"**Then I will make sure to take as long as I can before making my next move."**

**

* * *

**

**Review Responses**

**Toby – **Aw, I'm sorry about that. I was actually going for that anti-climactic moment, because I wanted everyone to be waiting for Rachel to survive or Maya to save Rachel, and then she didn't even make it. I hope this chapter has more feeling for you, though! And glad you like the conversation. :grins: I'll have those after every chapter in this fic. And yes, I didn't do that, because I agree, it gets cliché. I hope you like this chapter better!

**Beekiller – **Awesome. :smiles: I'm glad you liked that part. And I'll do my best to get to your next chapter – I'm not sure if I can do it anytime soon, with school and everything, but I will do my best. I can promise that I will get to it eventually, but no promises when. Anyway, thanks for your review!

**DH – **Yup, already. :grins: I hope you don't mind, though – I think you'll enjoy Nadar Chronicles 3, though, which comes after this fic. And yeah, Maya does tend to screw up the fights that are the most important. As for being anti-Nadar… we'll see! All other questions will be answered by cheese, and by later chapters. :grins evilly: Her kids are mentioned here, and reactions to their deaths will show up more in this fic, and later on. And oh, Maya dying – CHEESE! And glad you liked the Ellimist/Crayak scene. :grins again:

**FOL – **Oh yes, I will definitely be continuing what happened after the war. :eats cookie: Thanks for it and the review!

**Kaz - ** Oh, no really, don't feel bad – you actually encouraged me to get up and _get _a copy of the book that I would need. I don't hate you at all! And as to your anxiousness – here's the next chapter! For stuff on how long Maya will last, go to my bio – it maps out all the fics I plan to write. Thanks for your review!

**Anidragon - **:grins: Thanks! More Ellimist/Crayak for you here, and more Maya as well!

**Elwing – **Thanks for pointing that out – I haven't had time to proofread, so typos may be in this chapter as well. :looks embarrassed: And fictionpress is for writers who write original fics. I think that they're related, although I'm not sure about that. I actually like fanfiction's layout better, but that may just be because I write more for fanfic. However, fictionpress definitely allows a writer to get her original ideas out, so it pretty much balances it out.

**A-cat – **The woman who took charge… :laughs: Boy, is she going to be important. But I'm afraid for now I'll have to hand you cheese. :hands over cheese: And oh, about the Yeerks mating, I probably should have inserted this in, but I forgot. I assumed that when Tom took the 100 Yeerks, he only took 100, no extras, so there isn't anyone to infest Maya. However, if some Yeerks were near mating time, then they could mate and then have more Yeerklets, who could infest Maya. But there aren't, so the other way to break her down is torture.

And yeah, I was hoping for that reaction about the Nadarlets, so thanks!

Maya hasn't been tortured yet, but she will be, and her escape, if it occurs (I'm being very cheese-like, I know) will be covered in cheese for now. :grins:

And glad you liked that Ellimist/Crayak interaction! I seem to be seeing a lot of people do. Everything will tie up together in the end – I can't wait to write it! And thanks for your review, and here's the update!

**Wraithlord **– This, my friend, is off to you to beta. I told you that you'd get them again eventually. :sticks tongue out: You don't play much of a role in this chapter - the next ones, however, I will need you to edit to make your character more realistically British. :grins:

**Hey – **Love you, too, hun.

**Birdie - **:hugs: Don't worry, your reviews make me laugh. :laughs:

Reviews are lovely. In case you couldn't tell.

**Beta's Note:** (this is retired writer Wraithlord42, for those of you hiding under rocks). Not only is this clearly a labour of love by KP, I spent half an hour of my valuable time making it even better. So if you don't review, I shall find some way to make you suffer. Come on. Hours of free high-quality entertainment from one of FFN's best? You owe her.


	3. Chapter 3

_As for Jake, well, my boy Jake has always had a serious side to him. I mean, I tried to talk him about things. But some guys shake off a war and move on, and other guys don't._

_Jake carried Tom and Rachel and those seventeen thousand Yeerks around his neck like the Ancient Mariner and his albatross._

_Being Jake he didn't lose it. He didn't go off and become some kind of drug addict or have some big breakdown or whatever. He was still Jake. But he was a different Jake. Smaller and bigger at the same time, if that makes any sense. He was closed off, inward. He would sound almost like the old Jake sometimes, but you just got this sense that he was out of phase with everyone else. Like he as a half step ahead or behind._

_Same with Oscar. I kept being half afraid that Oscar _would _lose it, that he'd go off on a rampage and kill a lot of people… but he didn't. He just got quieter, and quieter. He'd go to school – he was still Helen's son, legally. Naomi and Loren and Helen were all living together, three widows surviving, sending their kids off to school, refusing to deny them the fragments of a normal life._

_But Oscar never had a normal life. Oscar had Maya. And now that she was gone…_

_I think I still loved her, in a way. I mean, hey, after she basically rejected me on the beach that one day… but she had helped me escape by diving off that crazy cliff, and she had seemed okay, then so I thought maybe, when this war was over, I'd help her laugh a little bit more._

_But she was gone. That was the problem. All seven of us together until the end of the war, and now…_

_- Marco, The Beginning_

Chapter 3:

I gritted my teeth as Tom's fist connected with my abdomen, forcing me to bend over, gasping in pain. My arms were tied behind me, and so I was forced to take blow after blow, cut after cut.

The past week had been a slow, methodical beating, and all I had left to be grateful for was that he had left my mind alone.

"Maya, Maya," Tom said pityingly. He grabbed my face, and I glared at him. "Look at you," he whispered. His eyes touched my face, tracing my black eye, my bleeding nose and mouth, my bruised face.

"Without the help of a mirror, I'm afraid I cannot oblige you," I said as stiffly as possible, through gritted teeth.

Tom threw back his head and laughed a slow laugh that came out of his body, traveling outside to be carried away by sound waves. The sound tasted bitter, and instinctively I spat, only to have blood splatter on Tom's hand.

His face sneered, and he wiped his hand on my face. I tried to bite his hand, and he shook his head, grinning. I wanted to cut that smile off of his face, I wanted to take a knife and carve it slowly off…

"What are you thinking, Maya?" he murmured. "Thinking of ways to kill me?"

No, I'm thinking of ways to _worship_ you, you dolt, I thought dryly, and I felt his hand tighten around my neck. What, did he have brain wave interface readers or something?

"I'm going to dive into your memory," Tom told me, and I felt my stomach tighten with fear. "I'm going to take random memories from your mind, and display them. We can analyze them together."

Trapped. I was trapped. No way out of this. No way to tell him off, to fight him, to break his windpipe and watch the air escape from his throat…

He shoved me backwards, and then placed a collar around my neck, attaching me to the wall. I didn't resist him – better to save my energy if and when he decided to tear my mind apart.

I looked past him as he went to a panel just out of my vision, and saw a protrusion on the other side of the room out of the normally smooth walls of a space ship. It was almost like a huge, thick, pipe that extended out of the ceiling, connecting to the wall at the side. That's odd, I thought. What was it for?

No matter. I didn't have time for any more lovely speculation as Tom placed small adhesive strips to my forehead. I contemplated pulling away, but as I was already backed against the wall with nowhere to go, I decided against it.

"Wireless," Tom explained, as he rubbed them on. Didn't he have anything better to do with his time than torture me? Wasn't he the freaking newly named Visser on this ship?

"Press the button," Tom told someone at the panel, and I closed my eyes, praying that it wouldn't be a memory that would kill me.

"_Do you believe in God?"_

_My mind flashed to Eun-hee and Oba as it always did whenever someone asked me that question. To Eun-hee and Oba, and what the price they paid for saying yes._

_I turned towards Rachel, who had asked me that question, and said, "Sort of."_

_After a moment, I added, "See… after you see someone, who did believe in God, get tortured for it… and when you see that they don't give up, you can't help but believe. But… I don't like him very much, so… I guess I don't want him to exist. I know it doesn't make much sense, but… yeah."_

"_Why don't you like him?"_

_I started to answer, and then realized that my answer was utterly ridiculous, and so spat out a laugh. "I don't like him because my life isn't perfect."_

_She rolled her eyes, obviously taking my answer as a joke. "Yeah, well, my life's not perfect either."_

"_So what about you?" I asked, as the other members of the Animorphs stopped their various conversations to listen to us. "Do you believe in God?"_

_Rachel hesitated, and then nodded. "I guess I believe kind of what I was taught as a kid, except I don't know if I buy everything in the Torah."_

"_Same with me," entered Jake. I glanced at him, and saw that for once, he was relaxed. He had allowed us this one afternoon where we could just get together in this barn and hang out as a group of friends, instead of as warriors on a mission, and it was definitely worth it._

_It was all very normal, or as normal as our lives could be at this point. And I loved that feeling._

"_What about you?" I asked Cassie, extending the conversation._

_Cassie looked up at me, and said, "I guess I view God more of as an all encompassing force. Not like Star Wars 'the Force be with you' kind of thing, but something that connects us all, the trees, the animals, us…"_

"_Kind of like Brahman in Hinduism?" I asked, and she nodded. "Yeah, kind of like that."_

"_I'm agnostic towards God," Marco said suddenly. "Whether he exists or not, it doesn't affect my life. I know other people disagree, but hey, as long as we keep laughing, then life will go on."_

"_What about you, Tobias?" asked Rachel, directing her question towards the rafters. Tobias ruffled his feathers, and answered shortly, (I don't believe in God.)_

_There was a small silence, and then we turned towards Aximili, who had been quietly observing us._

_(We do have a belief,) he started slowly. (I believe that the gods were actually one, before time began. That this original god came and saw how we lived without morals, without honor, without duty. And so he gave them to us. He gave us morality, he gave us honor, and he gave us duty, but we took them and worshipped them as gods, and in doing so, lost sight of what the morality and honor and duty was for. The legend states that the god is still watching us, waiting for us to remember him, and if we do not return to the reason for our beliefs, he will take away our morality and our honor and duty.)_

"_Andalites believe in gods?" Marco asked, his eyebrow lifted. He turned towards me. "Did you, when you were there?"_

"_Not gods," I corrected. "A god. He was the one who made the Sea of Stars, who created the bridge between this life and the next. All the goodness in the universe are forms of him, but, like Aximili said, the Andalites worshipped them as gods, and so lost the reason for having honor and morality and duty."_

_I could still remember the secret services we had held… the Elemaki, gathered in the dark on the few days where there was no moon. We had danced as we had recited the ritual sayings, all of us laughing, free for those few moments for we knew that on those days the Andalites would not touch us, if we were quiet enough. They had honor enough to allow us to worship the god that they claimed to worship, although they had forgotten the original purpose, while we, the Elemaki, had not. For they worshipped what came from the god as gods, while we knew that the god was god alone._

_Except now I wasn't so sure._

_(What is his name?) I had asked, whispering to my Mamai. She has shushed me, saying, (It is too holy to utter.)_

"_You know, though," Jake said, thoughtfully. "That's pretty interesting, that you guys had gods, or God, or whatever, too. Kind of goes to show that as long as you're mortal, you have to live by faith."_

_Marco made a face, as if assessing Jake's words. "Maybe assumption. We have to live by assumption. I mean, we assume that the sun is going to rise, that my pen is going to fall if I drop it…"_

_Rachel tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder. "Well, the word faith has religious connotations, but if you take those away, then they're just the same thing as assumptions. And Jake's right, since we're human, or mortal, we do have to live by some sort of faith. We are limited, after all."_

"_So then maybe my assumption," Marco said stubbornly, but with a grin, "Is that as long as we keep laughing, life will go on. I have faith, fine, in laughter."_

"_I have it in hope," Cassie added suddenly. "In humanity."_

_Rachel shrugged. "I have faith in myself, in humanity to some extent, and in the laws of nature, and in God."_

"_I have faith in humanity," Jake said quietly. "We all do. That's why we're fighting this war."_

_For a moment, our peace was shattered, and then was further shattered by Tobias' comment. (I don't have faith in humanity. Personally, I think we're going to nuke each other to death.)_

_(Then why are you fighting?) Aximili asked, a tone of disapproval in his thought-voice._

_He shrugged his feathers. (I've got nothing else to do in my free time.)_

_Boy, did he sound morose. That wasn't normally like Tobias. That was normally like… me._

"Ah, yes," Tom mocked. "Poor Tobias. That was only a few days after Taylor tortured him, you know."

How did he know about Taylor…

"Of course, it was to be expected. I mean, do you really expect anyone to keep faith in any sort of God or gods after going through torture?" Tom said, continuing to be derisive.

"You're wrong," I said quietly. Wrong. Two plus two equals four, not five. "Eun-hee and her family. Oba was tortured every day for believing in God, and he never gave up."

Tom whipped around and before I could cry out he had hit me in the side of my face, forcing my head backwards and I gasped for breath, the blood pouring out of my mouth and nose again.

"You _dare _disagree with me," he hissed. "You _dare _to disagree with me."

Point for me, I thought through a haze of blood. From now on every time I defy you you'll have to get angrier and angrier, even if it's not worth it. You should have just let it slide, or better yet, you should have laughed at me.

Besides, now I know how to get you angry.

A point for me, but a minimal one, because in the next instant he had unchained me from the wall, and had forced me to the ground. I felt something sting my back, and then felt fire flare up on my already beaten body.

The whip brought back memories. I took it in, didn't make any sound, and just let the pain invigorate me as it cut bloody trenches into my skin. Oh yes, the pearl fisher would grunt just like that when he was whipping us. The guards in North Korea, too. Only the guards would screech about the great god Kim Jong Il and how we were a disgrace to our country, we were dirt, we were dung, we weren't worth even the blood that spilled out of our bodies.

Tom said nothing as he whipped me. I could taste his frustration though, his frustration with my lack of a response. I'm sorry, Tommy, I almost wanted to say. I'm fading out, you can't hurt me anymore.

"This is ridiculous," he finally said. I agreed. "Blow her mind to hell," Tom ordered the same someone in the panel, and I disagreed.

Tom's hands roughly flipped me over so that I was facing him. Almost giddy from lack of blood, I smiled up at him.

His hands reached down to hurt me, and I flinched instinctively, all the instincts of a week already trained in me, when Tom stopped.

I stared up at his contorting face, as he began gasping for breath, and for a moment I wondered whether I had inadvertently poisoned him. An impossibility, I knew, but what else would explain his change in behavior?

Then, I watched in almost fascinated horror as Tom began screaming, as his hands reached for his throat, as they squeezed…

He's killing himself, I thought dimly, then corrected myself. Tom's trying to kill the Yeerk. Tom is trying to kill himself to kill the Yeerk.

"GET OUT!" Tom yelled, his hands stuck around his throat, but unable to tighten any further. "DON'T TOUCH HER!"

I began laughing hysterically, and tears joined the blood on my face as the Yeerk forced Tom's hands away from his neck, as the Yeerk gained control over Tom's voice once more. What a life, I thought. We're all insane. Two minds occupying one body, one mind trying to torture another's body, and that mind struggling to fight the torture.

We're all insane.

_We're all insane._

"**Your little Nadar came to an interesting conclusion, don't you think, Ellimist?"**

"**Don't taunt me, Crayak. It doesn't become you."**

"**Oh, you know that I can't but help cackle in glee. You forgot to include the possibility that your poor little Nadar might lose her mind, hmm?"**

"**Cackle with glee?"**

"**Now who is taunting who?"**

"**What is wrong with you, Crayak? I have never seen you in such a feverishly excited state."**

"**Because, you fool, if Maya breaks, then she's mine. You'll move in to keep her from breaking, I know, and then it's my turn. After this torture, she'll be very susceptible. Do you think that she won't turn towards me? I'll offer her strength. She can't refuse."**

"**Your strength is impermanent at best, Crayak. It won't last her, and you know it."**

"**But _she_ doesn't. By the time she does, she'll be fully mine. She'll be in so much debt to me that she'll spend the rest of her life paying it off in blood, and by the time she's halfway done with that, she'll want to join me."**

"**Everything you say convinces me that I should delay my turn for as long as I can, Crayak. Don't you know this?"**

"**I do, but I also know that you'll never let the girl break down completely. When she is ready to break, when she will break at the touch of one word, you'll intervene to save her. And then I'll be ready."**

**Review Responses**

:waves: I know it's been a while. Forgive me. My APs ended yesterday, so I am now allowed to breathe.

Also, I wanted your take on the torture in this scene. That's what the warning is about in the summary. This scene, and others. Frankly, I didn't feel comfortable writing it. I had written it in my mind, imagining it out like I do all my other scenes, but writing it was… weird, to say the least. So, just your take on it – did it seem forced?

And now, to review responses.

**Anidragon **– Did you? Yeah, I decided to follow the pattern. :) And yes! Glad you like them.

**Toby – **Thanks! I actually had time (i.e. pushed aside homework) to go back and edit, so that probably explains a lot. And yes, that snake thing was fun. I read about how snakes could do that oh, maybe five or so years ago? And then remembered it when I was imagining this all in my mind, and the Tom coming to life this way came to mind almost immediately. :grins: And here's the update!

**FOL – **Glad you liked that with Tom. :) And true, I am more powerful. But I pretend not to be. :smiles:

**Hey **– Thanks. Yeah, that was the scene in my little old brain about a year ago. It changed some – always does when I actually write it out, but the heart of it is still there. And good luck! I prayed for you.

**A-cat - **:grins and is very pleased you like: Yup. That was my intention with her morphing acquiring Rachel. And oh, I didn't think you could remove the Yeerk without killing the host... but all will become clear, oh, maybe at the end of Nadar Chronicles 3. Well, a lot will be clear then, and more will be clear later on, with Mayanites: Nadar and Kyan.

And 1984! Do I recommend it… I think it was very well written – Orwell is a fantastic writer – and he definitely has a good grasp on possible totalitarian regimes. It's a little intense, and I'm not sure exactly how old you are, but I'd say maybe 14 and up is more than okay for it. Also age matters because knowing the history of Nazi Germany and Communist Russia is pretty important to compare them to 1984. Also, I'll be referring to it quite a bit with this fic, so it might be good to read it just for that. Although if you don't want to, sparknotes gives excellent summaries, and will touch on all the points I want to touch on anyway. :grins:

Right now I think it's important because it's technologically possible. The Patriot Act harks a little bit too close to the telescreens that Big Brother uses to watch his comrades… first you tap our phones to watch for those terrorists, and then you put cameras in our houses to watch us to make sure we aren't terrorists… the precedent is dangerous.

But here I am, going off into one of my lecture/debates that I do all the time. 1984 is a good book to have under your belt, and references to it are common enough in literature and the news that I'd recommend it if only to understand the allusions.

Anyway, back to the fic. I'm keeping my lips sealed about that scene, but I think that hopefully I'll be able to make the rest of my work fulfilling enough so that when that scene is referenced again, it'll come as a surprise, or at least from a new viewpoint. Also, there are many different ways she could get to that situation… she could be a Controller, for example, and the Yeerk would want to put Maya through that life so as to be able to infest her. But that's neither here nor now, thanks for your review and here's an extremely long response:grins:

And cheese, ah, yes. One day there will be no more cheese, don't worry.

**DH – **Ah, about Rachel. I'm still struggling with her. Although right now she remains dead, I have this scene in my mind… but that's later. And glad you liked those paragraphs!

Oh, sorry about the snake thing. For some reason I had thought that Rachel had simply bit off the snake's head and a portion of its neck, so that it was still intact, although not technically alive. And as far as I'm aware, it actually has happened – that a snake head was there, and someone stuck a foot into it, and it bit it. Obviously that snake head cannot morph, which is the part that I added to keep Tom alive. I read it in an article about five years ago – funny how it came to be such an important part of my story.

So I had the Yeerk morphed into the snake's brain, but still in control – I think that's what happens when the Yeerk inside a human's head morphs the human – and then when the snake was revived, the Yeerk was still in control.

And Big Lover indeed. :grins: I showed that to one of my friends and she cracked up.

I'm afraid your other questions will have to be answered by cheese. :grins evilly:

**Eyes of Forest – **You're back:huggles: And your review actually encouraged me to finish up this chapter and update, so kudos to you!

**KMaDnNeSs64 – **Hey, Alex. Glad you decided to take a look. :grins:

**Elwing – **Yeah, I know. Sometimes I feel guilty at having it all, when so many don't have anything. And I'm actually half-Korean, but my mother is from South Korea. It's freakishly hard to escape from North Korea. Kim Jong Il doesn't want his subjects to leave his glorious perversion of communism, of course. Not that they wouldn't want to, seeing as he's a lovely god that starves his people to death. :sarcasm drips down walls: And thanks! And ah, yes. A beta reader is one who reads over a chapter and edits it to make it more coherent, better, etc. An editor of fanfic. Wraithlord is quite good at his job. :grins:

**Beekiller – **Hey! I'm finally back on fanfic. I checked out your story – it looks pretty good so far!


	4. Chapter 4

_I kicked my tail hard, trying to lift my dolphin body high enough to see over the wave tops. Not enough. I would have to jump._

_...  
_

_At thirty feet or so I twisted and began powering toward the surface._

_Up like a rocket. Speed was so easy. So easy to kick my tail and fly straight up through the water._

_Faster and faster and the bright barrier between sea and sky was right there, shimmering above me, and I blew through it!_

_I burst from the water and sailed high and for a perfect moment I held sea and sky within me, all encompassed within my brain._

_After a long, awkward silence I said, "Anyway. That…" I gestured out toward the water. I wanted to say it was the first real joy I had felt since seeing Rachel kill Tom. But there was a wall between me and Cassie. And Marco, well, he's a guy and we guys don't do a lot of emotional stuff with one another. "Anyway. I'll be good tomorrow, on the stand."_

_ - Jake, The Beginning _

Chapter 4:

I watched suspiciously as Tom began shrinking, morphing. My hands were chained to the ceiling above me, and my feet were shackled firmly to the ground, so I really had no choice _but _to watch, and so I did, squinting out of blackened eyes.

His face elongated, and then his body followed, thinning out as his hair stuck to his scalp and as his skin turned scaly, with colors that seemed to shimmer in the artificial lighting of the spaceship.

A snake. The same poisonous kind that he was when Rachel killed him.

I wanted to taunt him, remind him of his quasi-death, but I held myself still as the snake advanced rapidly towards me. I couldn't move, I couldn't run away, I couldn't morph… Tom had taken my DNA and installed it into a sensor that shot bright blue beams of electricity at me whenever I tried, forcing me to lose my concentration.

I closed my eyes and held my breath as the snake crawled around my tattered pants, pants that Tom had given me the second day of torture. I had a shirt too, actually. A pink, elastic t-shirt. Except it was ripped and bloody, and my three-quarter pants that Tom had given me weren't in much better shape.

The snake's body continued to climb up my body, looping its thick coils around my waist. I wondered briefly how it was staying on me, and so opened my eyes to see the snake's head directly in front of my face.

I didn't flinch. I didn't scream. I didn't move. I didn't breathe.

Tom yawned with his snake mouth, his tongue flickering out almost casually as he continued to make his way around my body. He shifted his coils to go around my neck, and I held myself still. Don't freak out. Don't freak out.

Tighter and tighter. The coils were cutting off my breath. I couldn't panic. I could only let it happen and hope that

I gasped out as Tom suddenly tightened his hold on my neck, and began choking. Still can't panic. If I do, I'm dead.

(Having some trouble breathing?) Tom murmured in thought-speech as he pressed his snake mouth – and fangs – next to my ear. I couldn't think of any sarcastic retorts. I was too desperate to do anything but try and pump air into my dying lungs.

(This is only, fair, Maya, you know,) Tom said in the same hypnotic tone. (You know how many people _you've _killed this way? You broke their windpipes, and then indifferently watched as they died from suffocation, unable to get air into their lungs.)

I had! He was right! After digging through my memory, of course he would know.

_I'm a monster._

(So I'm only paying you back. You deserve this.)

But only if you take it to death, I thought grimly, my vision beginning to fade. Just torturing me isn't enough to pay for shedding blood. Only with blood can blood be paid.

Just when I thought I was truly going to die, Tom suddenly relaxed his hold, and I gasped for breath, letting the sweet sweet oxygen fill my lungs, as I heaved in air and struggled for breath for those few precious seconds.

Tom unwound himself around my body, and slithered to the floor. I watched him carefully again, as he began demorphing into that handsome high school boy who had somehow wound up with an alien in his head.

You're an alien, too, I reminded myself, and then hesitated. Am I? I spent just as many years as a human, on Earth, as I did as an Andalite/Elemaki, on the Andalite Home World. Does that make me a human then? Or do I have to stay a human a little longer to be truly human?

Then the most ancient of whispers rose up inside me.

_You're a Nadar. That's who you are. You'll always be a Nadar. It doesn't matter what your species is if you're a Nadar. Because that's who you are, body, soul and spirit. A Nadar._

But how? I raged. How can I be when a Nadar is supposed to fight! I've been beaten and cowed to the point that I just want to give up. I've been starved and denied water, I'm defeated, I'd rather be a Controller at this point! How can I still be a Nadar?

The whisper persisted. _You're a Nadar. You cannot deny it. You are._

Think about it this way, another voice told me. You are a Nadar – that's one thing Tom can't take from you. He can't take that away. It's a truth you can hold on to.

A truth, I answered. It's a truth. Like two plus two is four. It's forever. It's absolute.

Hurry! Think of more truths that you can cling to. Truths that he can't take away. Truths that no one can take away.

Mamai loved me, I responded, almost getting giddy. Finally, a weapon. Something I could defend myself with. Osgaron loved me. Solethi loved me. Eun-hee loved me.

I went through my life, through that long list of mortals that had loved me, loved me and left me, but loved me nonetheless, and was shocked to find how many people that list contained.

I went over each of them, and remembered their kindness. Remembered their laughs, their loves, their lives. Each of them had existed, some still did. And they had all loved me. So many truths now, to hold onto. Why hadn't I thought of this before? Now, when he tried to tear my mind apart, I would have something to hold on to. It would be small – a piece of debris to cling to in the midst of a violent ocean storm, but it would be enough. A truth that would seem like garbage to anyone who hadn't been saved by it.

Tom was human again, and he sauntered up to me, and yawned loudly. "I'm bored," he announced. _Mamai loved you. _"What should I do now?"

He paused, as if listening to something, and then laughed out loud.

"Tommy boy has an idea," he said with a smirk. "He wants me to leave you alone. Of course, it isn't quite original since that's all he's been able to think of this entire time." He yawned again, and then smiled suddenly.

"I _do _have an idea," he said thoughtfully. "And it's a good one, too."

The Yeerk motioned to someone behind him, and then talked quietly with that somebody while I closed my eyes, grateful for the reprieve. When I opened them, Tom was kneeling on the floor, wrists cuffed to a portable Yeerk pool, head extended over the pool.

It had been such a long time since I had seen a Yeerk leave or enter someone's head… a lifetime, it seemed. I wasn't allowed down to the feeding area in the case that I might incite a revolution, so this was the first time since the war…

I watched in utter fascination as the Yeerk slowly pushed itself out of Tom's head. Was that thing what had been torturing me? Why, I could step on it and kill it so easily. I could kill it more easily than I could kill even a _human._

Then my eyes flickered over to the now free Tom, who was weeping.

I watched the tears travel down his face, as the boy turned his face towards mine.

"I'm sorry," he begged. "Please forgive me. I'm sorry."

I was seeing the host, the broken down host of the being that had been breaking me down this entire time. Of course Tom would be weeping. It was his hands that hit me, his voice that ordered for my memories to be exposed and exploited. Of course.

"It's not your fault," I said lucidly enough. "Of course it isn't."

But Tom didn't answer me, he just knelt awkwardly over the portable Yeerk pool, allowing his tears to fall down his face and drip onto the floor, and continued to beg. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I'm sorry."

By this time the Yeerk had morphed, and he had chosen Tom as his morph.

The Yeerk stepped out of the pool with Tom's mouth, and took the clothes that the Controller behind him offered. The Yeerk got dressed slowly, and then turned and kicked Tom in the ribs.

Tom caught his breath, but didn't do anything other than continue to cry. The Yeerk kicked him harder, and a breath of pain escaped from the boy's lips.

"You're pathetic," the Yeerk sneered, as Tom turned awkwardly in an attempt to face him. "Pathetic."

I watched the two of them, together. One bound and helpless, forced to kneel on the floor. The other victorious, powerful, able to make those around him suffer.

O'Brien had described power as making another suffer… the ability to make another suffer.

I had been powerful at one, point, hadn't I? I had the ability to make people suffer… or was there a difference? The ability to make another suffer, and actually causing someone to suffer?

Of course there was. We all, in some small way, had the ability to make another suffer. But those who refused to didn't have that power.

Is that why the Yeerks almost took over the universe? I wondered dimly. Because they knew what power was, and they weren't afraid to obtain it?

Now one twin was forcing the other one up on his feet, the manacles released. The first twin released a fist into his brother's face, and –

Tom staggered backwards, towards me. He did nothing to protect himself from the Yeerk's blows, and I recognized his actions. Catharsis. The boy thought that by allowing the Yeerk to abuse him, he could be freed of the guilt of his hands abusing me.

But it wasn't any use. Tom wasn't responding enough for the Yeerk to be entertained. Sure, he cried out at times, and tears continued to fall, but Tom was just backing away, letting the blows come. No sarcastic comments, only tears and silence and at times, pained gasps.

Sure enough, the Yeerks stopped beating his host, and waited, contemplating the situation. I said nothing – there was no need to draw attention to myself. I was barely clinging on mentally and physically as it was.

Then with a smile that scared me, the Yeerk grabbed Tom and spun him around to face me. The boy was breathing heavily, blood trickling down his face slowly, and bruises were starting to form, but they were nothing compared to what I had.

He stared at me, and I stared back. What was there to say? I knew that before two hours was up, his hands would be attacking me once more. His body would be the one that took advantage of mine. What was there to say?

Then suddenly, but so very gently, Tom cupped his hand around my injured face, and drew it closer to his, and kissed me.

It was a gentle kiss, deep, and probing, and I responded, knowing why he was doing this to me, knowing why he was kissing me when he knew that it diminished me more, when it made me more into a body without any other inherent worth.

We finished, and then the Yeerk, after waking up out of its shock, jerked Tom out of the way. The Yeerk grabbed me roughly, and kissed me as well, but that kiss was searching for something that wasn't there.

The Yeerk stepped back, and looked from Tom to me.

"You stole it. I wanted her first," he accused Tom, and Tom said nothing, just looked to me.

"You can't steal something that someone has already taken," I told the Yeerk. _Tom_ took my first kiss. You can't have it. You can't wrench it from me, the way you've tried to take everything else.

I thought the Yeerk was going to explode. His face grew redder and redder, and finally, he grabbed a whip from one of the guards near him and thrust it into Tom's hand. "Whip her," he snarled, and I knew Tom would just stand there, just allow the Yeerk to rage and sputter, for what else could he do? Tom was his host. The Yeerk could torture Tom all he wanted, but in the end, when the Yeerk wanted to use Tom's body again, the physical torture would disappear.

The Yeerk snatched the whip from Tom's hand, and then turned to me. He unchained my hands, and gratefully, I lowered them, letting them relax. Then the Yeerk placed the whip in my hand. "Whip him," he ordered. "Or…"

I looked at the Yeerk sideways, and then looked at Tom, who was inviting me with clear eyes. I can bear it, he said. You cannot. Logically, I should be the one to pay.

It actually doesn't matter what Tom wants, I said to myself as I lifted the whip. You can't hold out much longer anyway. Better him than you.

"**She's barely holding out. She'll snap soon. And then…"**

"**Crayak, I have told you time and time again, I will not interfere. She may break. She may snap. She may go on a rampage. She may do whatever. I will not interfere. It is up to Maya now, and her friends, to end this situation."**

"**She's a better Nadar than I thought. To whip someone who had been fighting her torturer… but then again, she doesn't know the hell that Tom's Yeerk is giving Tom for resisting him, does she?"**

"**It's really quite remarkable. I've never seen such a resistant host before. Tom had fallen into despair after his Yeerk had stolen the morphing cube from the Animorphs, and I thought during that time that the spark of resistance had gone out. But here comes Maya, and it flares up again."**

"**Ellimist, you know he hates what he's doing. He hates that he's the one torturing Maya. Are you _trying_ to turn himinto a Nadar? Very unlike you."**

"**Now who is the fool, Crayak? Are you merely being obtuse on purpose? Or do you really believe what you are saying?"**

"**Tom is not a Nadar yet, you meddling fool. If he continues like this, though, he will be. He'll make a fine second gen Nadar. Perhaps I can recruit him, as well."**

"**You couldn't recruit a second gen, and besides, Tom's loyalties are almost entirely towards Maya now. Or haven't you noticed? He spends his entire day fighting the Yeerk for control, and then spends the entire night arguing and screaming with the Yeerk about Maya. For half a month now, his entire life has been about Maya."**

"**He loves her."**

"**He wouldn't be so foolish. He is Nadar enough to know that loving her would mean both their deaths. And besides, Maya doesn't love him the same way."**

"**And who does this little Nadar love? Unless you refuse to tell me, of course."**

"**I might as well tell you. There is nothing you can do about it, anyway. But I won't. I'd rather torment you. I'll just tell you that it's someone that she met, a long time ago, someone that she hated."**

"**Ellimist, how can she love someone that she hated? Now _you _are being deliberately obtuse."**

"**Oh, it's possible, Crayak. It's possible. Just as possible that a little half-Elemaki girl would end up as a human, being tortured on a Blade ship. And if _that's _possible, you have to admit, that almost anything is possible."**

**Review Responses**

Not having APs is certainly lovely. Of course, I'll pay for it on my Chem test, but it is nice to not have APs hanging over my head all the time. And fast update, yeah, I know. The influx of reviews waiting for me when I got back from church encouraged me. :)

**Hey – **I'm glad you enjoyed it. Here's the chapter, as promised under threat of death. :)

**Elwing – **Yeah, it was quite a bit of torture. And thanks! I'm glad you think so. I actually have thought of publishing, several times, but the problem is that I don't have a plotline set out for an original fic. I do have an idea, but it's not a plot, and so I can't write a book around it. I also don't have enough experience yet in the world – the things I want to write about, I can write about since I haven't lived enough. But I do plan on writing and publishing in the future. And yeah, APs are death. I'm so glad they're over. And glad you liked the chapter – and thanks for the compliment:)

**Kaz – **Glad to see that you're back! It is nice that the APs are over, but my other classes sadly aren't. You should wait till summertime – DH knows. I updated three chapters in the same day, that's how much extra time I had. :grins: And hmm… this fic confuses you the most? I think that's just the nature of this fic, actually – it's more of a transition than anything else, but one of my better written transitions. Usually I do very badly on those. But I think that since it's a short fic, only seven chapters, the ending should clear up what this fic is for. And here is some more Tom/Maya interaction for you.

Yeah, the torture wasn't too pleasant for me to write. I think it was also because I had just seen Hotel Rwanda the day before, and violence in general… was off putting. Such a tragic movie. Have you seen it? If not, I highly recommend it. I'm glad it didn't seem forced, though. I didn't include as much in here, because writing explicit violence… I'm not used to it. And as for themes – I hope this chapter helped clear that up a bit, although it should become more clear in, say, chapter 6. And here is the update!

**FOL - **:munches: Thank you! And yes, Ellimist and Crayak. I love writing their conversations, you know?

**Toby – **Really? That's kind of odd. I didn't include explicit torture scenes in this one – just don't think I can really write it again. And Harry Potter, yes, of course. :grins:

**A-cat – **I thought you'd like that scene. :) I enjoyed writing it, myself. Yup, Rachel and Jake are Jewish. And glad you liked how Maya responded to Tom. They're going to have a tangled relationship, as can be seen by this chapter, as well. And as for the torture… I know I've written death and violence before, but I don't think I've ever been extremely explicit in it. It just… makes me uncomfortable. Like, shooting I can do – she pulls the trigger and he disintegrates. Hinting at violence I can do – Maya went into bloodlust and clawed apart a lot of people. But to explain directly and intimately how her claws ripped apart strands of flesh… and to continue on that strain… for some reason, it made me uncomfortable. Also, I think it might have been because the night before I had watched Hotel Rwanda, and the violence got to me. If you haven't seen that movie, by the way, I highly recommend it. It's such a powerful story.

And yeah, I'm not aiming for a younger audience or anything. I think senseless violence (along with senseless anything) is stupid, and so when I do have violence, I want it there for a point. And thanks! I will check the book out. :adds to list of books to read: And yes, I do answer with CHEESE:)


	5. Chapter 5

_(Well, Jake,) I said with what I hoped was a rock-steady thought-speak voice, (what's up with you?)_

_"I'm doing good," he said._

_(You're older.)_

_"So are you."_

_(Well, it was fun catching up. Bye.) I spread my wings._

_"It's about Ax," Jake said._

_I should have flown away. I knew I should have. But Ax had said that I was his shorm. It's an Andalite word for someone who is closer than a friend._

_---- _

_I could fly away. If I didn't, I was trapped. I would be trapped with Jake. Again._

_(What about Ax?) I asked._

_- Tobias, The Beginning_

Chapter 5:

_Save her for me._

His voice still rang in my ears as I hung from the ceiling. _Save her for me._

At least it prevented anyone else from raping me, I thought bitterly. Although "save her for me" was going to get me screwed eventually.

My stomach protested, growling as it tried to digest itself. _I'm going to die_, I chanted in my head. _I'm going to die_.

Somehow saying that calmed me down. Okay. I would starve to death. I would die of thirst. My blood loss would certainly help.

Then suddenly, out of all my half-serious thoughts of death, an entirely sincere one came to me.

I could die. I could stop clinging to life and just... die.

As if answering my thoughts, darkness fell over my eyes, and it took me a moment to realize that I was being blindfolded.

I waited, almost trembling, when a tablet was placed in my mouth. I waited, not willing to close my mouth, for all my thoughts of suicide a moment before.

(It's a vitamin,) said a toneless thought-speak voice, out of the oppressive silence. Startled, I closed my mouth over the tablet, which disintegrated instantly.

At first nothing happened, and then I began to feel my muscles relax. I could either be dying or getting better, either one.

Then I felt drops of liquid - water? - drip into my parched mouth, and then a pinch of soft bread was pushed into my mouth as well.

I swallowed, and knew that these people were not here to kill me.

They, whoever they were, continued to feed me, gently pushing scraps of bread into my mouth, and trickling water into my mouth. They were careful not to leave any trace of crumbs, and I barely noticed it when they placed another vitamin tablet in my mouth.

Who were these people? I wondered briefly. They must be traitors, if they were trying to keep me alive. Unless they were here on Tom's orders, to make sure I didn't die on him?

Thinking took too much energy, and so I let my mind and body rest, when suddenly, fingertips reached and gently touched my cheek.

Just as suddenly, they were gone, but the feeling of them lingered, even when my secret saviors did not.

And I was alone again.

* * *

Throughout the next week, it was that touch that sustained me.

Tom returned to his usual repertoire, nothing creative, which I was thankful for. Repeated beatings, scathing mockery, but nothing that I couldn't deal with.

After all, that touch, the fact that there was someone – or several someones – on the ship who cared for me… that was another truth that I could hold onto. It was small, perhaps not very useful, but it was there.

* * *

"So, tell me about the Animorphs."

I looked up at Tom, and did my best 'you're a freak' face at him. It didn't work.

"You really think that acting like a pathetic Earthling teen will help you?" he said with a smirk.

I said nothing. Go away. Just go away, Tom. Leave me alone. Find someone else to pick on.

The thought almost made me laugh out loud. I was sounding exactly like the kids on Earth who got picked on by bullies. Only this time, there were no teachers to run to.

"Tell me about the Animorphs," Tom continued, his face not so happy anymore.

I considered. Should I resist?

His hand reached out to slap me, and I ducked instinctively. He missed, but took another swing and sent his fist crunching into my face with a backhand blow.

I felt blood trickle down my face and thought of the Animorphs.

Why would he want to know about them? Unless this was simply another test? To see how far I could go?

I let their faces hover in my mind's eye. How long had it been since I had been with them? Since I had been free?

Four weeks. Four long, bloody weeks, and I was still holding out.

Tom was getting antsy, I knew. He was getting impatient, restless with my grim determination to see the torture through. He hadn't started sexually abusing me yet, but it would only be a matter of time. Humans can do some pretty nasty stuff to each other without needing any tools.

He raised his hand, and I ducked, cowering, humiliating myself to a degree that I never would have though possible for me. Through my clenched teeth and downcast eyes, I said, "What do you want to know?"

Satisfied, he stepped back. "Tell me their weaknesses."

I stared at him. Okay, it was obvious why that information would be useful, but did he really think that he could use it up in here in space, hunted by Andalites wherever he went?

"They have no weaknesses," I lied sweetly.

For a second I thought he was going to attack me again, and then he smiled brightly. "Oh, good, I was waiting for a chance to try this on you."

Warily I looked up as Tom stood and said something into a mouthpiece, something about bringing someone up.

A few minutes later, the door into the chamber opened and I found myself looking at a boy.

He was a little boy, around four or five years old, but his eyes were filled with cold arrogance. Controller, I thought, and when the boy spoke, I knew it was true.

"You called me, Visser?"

"Yes," Tom said. "I need your host, actually. I want to know whether the prisoner will be affected by pain being inflicted upon others."

By pain being inflicted upon others… 

_Pain on others…_

Don't do this to me, I wanted to scream. Don't you know that my entire life has been the product of inflicting pain on others?

But of course, I said nothing, and simply waited.

The boy made a face, and then said, "You do realize that my host has never been under his own control?"

What does _that _mean? I wondered. Did another Yeerk infest the kid whenever his Yeerk was getting some nutrients in the pool?

"Understandably," Tom cut in coolly. "I assure you that during these circumstances, although your host will not be under the _direct_ control of a man, it will not be as if he could control his own actions to any large degree."

The boy shrugged, and I grew stiller as I watched him lean over a portable pool and slip out of the boy's ear, without even bothering to chain the boy up.

And I watched in almost utter horror as the boy _let_ the Yeerk go without protesting, and then as the boy turned towards Tom and began stripping.

And it clicked.

"Put your clothes back on, John," Tom told the boy, and he instantly obeyed. "I'm not Master."

Tom stopped John before the boy put on his shirt, and then roughly dragged him over to the wall where chains were conveniently placed. I held my breath as the Yeerk placed the boy's wrists in the cuffs.

Tom then took a shiny, leather whip and cracked it right by John's ear.

I saw John tremble, and winced as the whip came down on the boy's bare back, leaving a bloody line. John staggered and dropped to his knees, but the chains held him up.

I closed my eyes as the whip came whistling down the second time, and this time I heard John cry out.

I refused to let the tears pushing at my closed eyelids spill over, and I continued to keep them closed as the crack sounded again and as the little boy cried out once more. Tom knew that I was emotionally drained – seeing this, after all this pain, was going to kill me…

"John," I whispered letting the unfamiliar name rest on my tongue. I opened my eyes slightly to see that the wet tears had turned the world into a fuzzy, rainbow colored world. I glimpsed the whip come down again and clenched my teeth as John began screaming and whimpering, unintelligible sounds coming out of his mouth.

Stop! I wanted to shout. Don't do it! Stop!

But my tongue was tied into knots, it seemed, and I couldn't say a word.

"Speak," Tom said, turning towards me, the whip still in his hand. "Tell me everything."

I looked up at him, and looked at John, his face was full of fear and covered in tears.

"Speak."

I let the faces of the Animorphs swing up before me. Could I betray them for this boy? I knew they would want me to.

But would I?

A bubbling rush filled me, and I lifted my head. Be reasonable, Maya, I said to myself. He won't kill the boy – I don't think. He can't exactly get the weaknesses of the Animorphs from me, either, because I have to think those thoughts, he can't force them from me, and the only way he can get me to think them is to force me, through torture or otherwise.

It's a test. A test. There are two answers – give in, and tell Tom, or don't give in. I don't know what the right answer is, though, and whichever answer I choose, someone will pay.

I glimpsed John's tear covered face. He had no idea what was going on. A four year old boy, going through what he had gone through…

And then Tom delivered an ultimatum, his first serious mistake.

You never deliver an ultimatum to a Nadar. Not ever. It stirs up the seeds that were planted in them long ago, seeds that allowed them to grow into the Nadar that they are now. You never, _ever_ give an ultimatum to a Nadar.

"Tell me, or I'll kill him."

I laughed, a painful bitter laugh, throwing back my blood spattered and tangled hair the best I could. I laughed defiantly, letting all the weeks of torture spill into this raucous laugh filled with insanity.

"Kill him," I said, my eyes shining as a Nadar's do when confronted with death. "Kill him then, and watch me laugh."

Tom looked at me, and I saw the understanding, the click, as he threw down his whip and shouted at me, shouting words that I neither heard nor understood. I watched as Tom grabbed John, unchained him, and threw him towards the portable pool. I watched as John allowed himself to be re-infested.

I'm a Nadar, you fool.

You'll never erase that.

"**She's quite right, you know. You can never erase being a Nadar."**

"**And I suppose you would know, wouldn't you, Crayak?"**

"**Ellimist, you never cease to amaze me. You continuously jibe about me being a Nadar, and yet in your hypocritical blindness you refuse to acknowledge that your precious little Nadar down there was willing to have a boy killed, simply because she knew she could bear it as a Nadar."**

"**I mock you for being a Nadar because you embrace it. Maya has not embraced being a Nadar, she has simply accepted it."**

"**She will embrace it. Four weeks, and still not embracing it? Just wait. Another week, and then she will break. She's gotten to dread the anticipated sexual torture – when that finally comes, in whatever form, she'll break."**

"**You've been predicting that for a while, now, Crayak. You won't be offended if I am skeptical about your ability to foresee the future, will you?"**

"**You pompous old fool, just because you're stuck in a black hole and can 'screw around with time,' if you'll pardon the Earthling saying, doesn't mean that you have to rub it in about how I cannot. I have other methods."**

"**I'm sure you do."**

Review Responses

**Hey **- :squeezes back:

**DH **– Who Maya loves, eh? That'll come soon, don't worry. :grins deliciously: And glad you liked that part about clinging to truths. About Tom, we will have to see, just like everything else. And yeah, Tom's Yeerk has issues. They all do. Very deranged children. And glad that your finals are over! I have yet to take mine, but with APs I only have two left. Only now I have Chem SAT 2 to take which is going to kill me, but oh well, taking a break tonight. And I'm actually going to go back to the three widows, but that's not for a while yet. And hopefully this chapter explains why Tom's Yeerk hasn't raped her yet… and Maya can be infested, but right now I'm having only exactly 100 Yeerks, with exactly 100 hosts on the Blade ship, so someone would have to give up a host to get Maya, and so they're just torturing her until the a Yeerk threesome mates and bring little baby Yeerks to infest more people. And glad you liked the religious scene! You're right, it would make sense to have Marco be a lapsed Catholic, or nominal Catholic, going to Mass every so often but not really believing, just having it be a part of his culture. That does make sense – maybe I'll do more of it in the future. Anyway, thanks for your reviews, and glad you're back!

**Kaz456 – **Tom is going to be fun to write. Yeah, I'd say that he does love her, as well, except then we get into the definition of love, which I'm definitely going to playing with as well. And some more reminding of a Nadar comes up here – I like to inject these reminders pretty frequently, because I don't want people to completely sympathize with her. Maya made her choices, and frankly, she is a murderer. Not a nice person. She didn't have a nice life as either, but she is pretty cold, and unlike other assassin/thief/murderer/pirate stories, I don't want Maya to be "the good assassin."

And Hotel Rwanda was absolutely devastating. I _never _cry in movies, and this one made me bawl. The story of a man trying to save over a thousand lives from genocide in such a nerve wracking situation… the movie is absolutely incredible. And as for the theme – I was working with holding onto truths. :watches as it slips out: Whoops… the next chapter would have made that more clear, too. :looks sheepish: And Maya's true love – people really want to know that, don't they? I hope I don't disappoint!

**Toby – **Here's the update – hope you enjoy:grins:

**Eyes of Forest – **Crayak wants her very badly, obviously. I hope to have a twist with him and Maya, but that would be cheese. :grins impudently: And thanks for telling me about that part – I will watch out for those from now on.

**AniDragon – **Actually, she _almost _kissed Marco, and then she got really agitated because she realized that she was getting into something with a human, and so basically blew up in his face and backed away and ran home. Not exactly the best start to a romantic career. And the last name given was Hesser – although who exactly Hesser is hasn't been given yet. :grins: And don't worry, who she loves will come in time. CHEESE!

**Birdie – **Here's one. :hands over very carefully and drops and watches as it falls into pieces: NOOOO! And I'm really sorry about that – I guess I missed or something. Dumb me. And 1984's ending was sad, but don't say it's gay! But glad you like these fics – here's another chappie, special delivery via fanfic.

**A-cat **– Truisms… ah, my specialty. Heaven knows that I argue absolute truth with my friends often enough. :grins: And yes, Maya and Tom continue to have their messed up relationship. I think they both need to see shrinks, personally. And oh, that's interesting about the torture scene. For me, I think I'm going to leave it at the level that it is right now. In my later fics, I plan to write much more heavy stuff, abuse and rape and more outright torture, but for this one, I'll keep it light since it's my first shot at it. And do see Hotel Rwanda. As I told kaz456, "Hotel Rwanda was absolutely devastating. I _never _cry in movies, and this one made me bawl. The story of a man trying to save over a thousand lives from genocide in such a nerve wracking situation… the movie is absolutely incredible." And you're right, you do ask a lot of cheese provoking questions. :grins:

**FOL – **Am I? I never thought of that. :grins: And yeah, I have read Ellimist Chronicles, and I agree, it is an excellent book. Not one of K.A's best – I have to hand that to book 54, but still, good stuff. And here's the next chapter!

**HFN – **Hi! Good to see you back. As for the One, cheese! Also, give me a rundown of what character traits you want your character to have, kay? Name, too, if you like. Thanks!

**Random dude of dudeland - **:grins: It's been a long time since I had anything close to a flame. I will answer your objections in the order that you present them.

_puh-leeze. rachel and jake aren't jews. jake's father is a jew. that is IT._

I'm not sure what your point is. I have a Jewish friend who is half-Jewish: her father is Jewish, her mother is not, and she is. It's each person's individual choice whether they want to be or not, and in this story, I have Jake and Rachel at least choose cultural Judaism.

_not once, not once has god been mentioned in the animorphs series except for th usual "oh god" blasphemy that is the averager reaction of a western child to a situation they can't deal with, whether they believe in a god or not._

I wasn't under the impression that fanfic writers were limited to only writing about events or themes that happened in the Animorph series. There are plenty of alien species and events that happen in fanfics that don't happen in the series. I don't assume them to be automatically invalid fics.

_cassie a hindu? heh... stranger things have happened, i suppose._

Cassie is not a Hindu, actually, as you can see from reading the chapter. She shares a similar belief about God that the Hindu religion presents as Brahman.

_the animorphs kids are far too realistic and down-to-earth to bother with believing in a god, and they've got a too much shit on their plate to waste time praying._

There is more to religion than praying, to start, and also, I'm not sure where you got the idea that the Animorphs were praying. They don't pray in any of my fics, and they don't do it in this chapter, either. Also, Cassie refers in the beginning of the series to the idea of animism, the spiritual connection they have to animals which is helped through their morphing powers. Could you give me incidents that prove that they are "too realistic and down-to-earth" to have spirituality, as you claim?

_they've met the ellimist, remember?_

I was under the impression that the Ellimist was a member of a species, an advanced species nonetheless. The Animorphs have also met the Yeerks, and the Andalites, who are also more advanced.

_how long do you think belief would last after they met a __genuine supreme being, even if they __weren't all atheistic or agnostic to begin with?_

Again, I don't see why meeting a member of an advanced species would swing them to atheism.

_andalites are far too logical and intelligent to consider the possibility of a god or gods. come on._

:laughs: And here I always thought that logic and intelligence entailed considering all possibilities before selecting the best one. Also, why do you assume that as species or civilizations grow more advanced, they become more atheistic? It is obvious that humans have always believed in a greater being, be it the Overman or God. It is a human trait – I don't see any ants setting up a god to worship.

_you would be a half-decent writer if you didn't try to enforce christianity on everyone who reads. i don't see how anyone who reads this and doesn't believe in god can stand it. _

:smiles: I am flattered. How did you know that I was a Christian? Do you know me personally? Unless you've read my other fics, it would have taken a very perceptive person to pick that up from this chapter, a chapter that mentions Christianity only once and then spends the rest of the time discussing other faith systems, including atheism, agnosticism, and polytheism. Also, by telling me all this, you are trying to enforce your beliefs on me. And somehow I manage to read your comments and "stand it." Perhaps these people that you mention, these people who don't believe in God and who read and enjoy my fics also are open minded.

_snakes don't come back to life with a bite. i don't know where on earth you get this stuff from but it's biologically impossible. try having maya fight some zombies if you want to sustain these levels of "realism". even for animorphs, that's weird, screwed-up biology._

You may be correct. I had read in a science magazine that snakes or snake heads "react" when given something to bite, and I added the element of sci-fi to it when I had Tom's Yeerk use that snap of consciousness to demorph.

_damn right about the patriot act though. fucking totalitarianism._

_orwell kicks ass._

I am glad that you think so. I do find it amusing that the one thing you find well-written is the thing that you happen to agree with. A coincidence, perhaps?

Thank you for your review – it certainly opened my mind. :grins:


	6. Chapter 6

_I decided to take two of them, Sergeant Santorelli, a U.S. Army Ranger who was five years older than me, and a French Deuxieme Bureau trainee named Jeanne Gerard. I chose them both on the strength of their lack of any close family._

_I could have had more, but last night when I had gotten ready for bed, I found Oscar standing over me with a knife in his hand. He didn't need to say anything. I knew what he was here for._

_"I can't," were the first words out of my mouth. "I can't take you."_

_He said nothing, just looked at me, still holding the knife, and I looked back at him. Only he and little Anna had survived down on the plain when the Visser had started killing all of James' crew and Maya's Nadarlets._

_I looked at his desperate face, and saw his longing for Maya written all over it. Maya had been his sun and his moon, the meaning of his life, and the reason for his existence._

_And I knew I would take him with us._

_- Jake, The Beginning_

Chapter 6:

I was kneeling, gritting my teeth, when suddenly a couple of messengers arrived, throwing open the doors to the torture chamber. "Visser!" they cried, ignoring me.

"What is it?" Tom snapped, obviously irritated at being interrupted. You still haven't broken me, I sneered at him, although I knew it wasn't long.

The messenger's face was flushed with excitement. "Visser, a ship is hailing us."

The room was silent quiet as Tom digested this information. Even _I_ stayed quiet, hoping against all reason that this might mean my escape.

"Visual signal?" Tom finally asked.

"Yes, Visser."

"Send it up here," he ordered curtly, and with a jerk of his thumb ordered the others to get me out of sight.

The Controllers erected a control console and shoved me behind it, and I listened the best I could. Without sight my hoped-for escape would be very difficult.

Practically shivering with delight, I waited anxiously, knowing only that anything could be better than the hell I was going through now.

Then _it _spoke.

"Greetings, remnants of the Yeerk empire," a voice said blandly, striking me by its lack of arrogance.

"And how would you know who we were?" Tom responded quietly, deftly keeping the fear out of his voice.

"I am the One. I see all. I know all," the voice intoned, and an irresistible urge overcame me to look. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back, I reminded myself as I peeked around the panel.

I barely noticed the metallic body of the being on the screen. Instead, my eyes locked on to the thing's eyes.

They were the emptiest eyes I had ever seen.

I stared, fascinated, unable to draw away. There were two eyes, but… something was different about each of them. Both were empty, but one was empty with a desire to fill, and the other was empty with a desire to take.

Desire… that was it. That was what emanated from this being that called itself the One.

"The One…" Tom mused softly. "Now, _the One,_ what do you have to offer to me?"

The One surprised me with its answer, an answer that was so unlike those of the Yeerks. "Anything. I can do anything."

I saw that the One's overbearing humility was beginning to scare Tom, and I would have smiled if I had thought my mouth would not have started bleeding again. Instead, I pondered. Who was this One, really? And what could it offer _me?_

I heard whispers around me, and knew that the Yeerks were trying to analyze the body of this One, work out the potential danger from it, determine what was on its huge ship…

"Just give me a body," the One said, surprising me again by the pleading tone in its voice. "A body. A living one. I don't care if it's not the best quality, any body will do."

I ducked behind the panel, breathing hard, knowing that Tom would instinctively glance at me. I was the only body around, the only body that could be spared.

"We may have a body…" Tom began tentatively.

"You must sacrifice it to me," the One said, its voice still humble. _What was going on? _"You must sacrifice it in the appropriate manner. I will not harm it. I simply need a body."

_Why?_ I wanted to shout, knowing Tom would go through with it. I should have snapped before, should have faked being broken, then I wouldn't be the only body left, wouldn't be the only body left…

Too late.

Too late.

I listened with horror as Tom invited the One in, as he shut off the communications and ordered the Yeerks around him to battle stations should the One turn out to be an enemy. As Tom grabbed me and prepared me to be sacrificed.

* * *

"Yes," purred the One, its billowing black form changing shape as if a breeze were rippling through the ship. "Yes. Unchain her."

Tom hesitated. "If we do, she will try and escape."

The One billowed out towards me, and the blackness surrounded all but my chained hands and feet. "Now she cannot escape. Unchain her."

The terror that I had been holding in started to surface, and for a moment, I panicked, kicking outwards. But when I did, the One simply came closer to me, covering me with his blackness, almost to the point that I could barely feel Tom take off my chains.

"At last," the One said, almost hungrily, and then it absorbed me.

I closed my eyes and screamed, screamed in a way that Tom had never heard from me, screamed the way I had been screaming when I turned on the soldiers who had killed Eun-hee. I let all my fear and hatred and anger of sixteen years come out in one terrible scream as I fought this creature that was absorbing my body, this creature that was forcing me to enter into the unknown blackness.

And then just as suddenly, my scream stopped.

I could see nothing but dancing light, shifting waves. I could hear faint echoes, but couldn't make out what they were.

Where am I? I wondered. I tried to move my lips to speak, but they refused to open. I tried to move my arm, my leg, _something _to tell me that I still existed, but there was nothing but my mind. Everything else was gone.

In rage I struggled to move myself, to get out of the One, but what could I do? How do you move a hand that simply isn't there? How do you move legs that don't exist?

I felt my will begin to collapse as I imagined this state of consciousness forever, when I first heard the voices that I would follow for the next part of my life.

_The One can't absorb her fully, _a voice whispered. _This new creature is too confused. Not clearly more good than evil._

_She's evil enough, _another voice answered, this one deeper. _Let her come to our side. She will be a fine addition to our group._

_No, _another voice said. _You are wrong. This new creature knows that what she does is evil, and regrets her evil, but does not know how to change. What more, she thinks that she cannot change. This is too much confusion for the One. The One will not be able to place her._

Who are you? I cried out. Speak to me! Tell me what the One is, tell me who you are!

_The creature speaks. It sounds like you, Matthew._

Matthew presumably answered. _She's a human._

Matthew, I said desperately. Please explain to me what is going on.

I heard a sigh, and then the same voice, Matthew, answered. _The One is trying to absorb you._

_Oh, that really is an excellent answer, _another voice scoffed. _Let me tell her the whole story. Do you mind, human creature?_

No, I said. Please tell me.

* * *

On a planet, a long long time ago, in a place far far away. A species of numbers. There was the One, there was the Two, there was the Three. There were far more, but these were younger, too young to understand the struggle between One and Two and Three.

_I am the Three, _the voice that was telling me the story said. _The One absorbed me. That's how we live. We live off of other creatures, absorbing them. They enter into our consciousness, and we keep them there. They can see, they can talk, they can move. You, human creature, are stuck in limbo._

Why? I asked.

_Because you are too confused, _the Three answered. _I will explain. Each of us Numbers has a balance of good and evil. As children, we started out good. But our desire to absorb led us to absorb any of the creatures around us. Some of these creatures were evil, and so when we absorbed them, they went to the "evil" side of us. These evil creatures urged us to absorb more creatures, to put more creatures in misery, and so we obeyed._

Why?

_Because that is who we are. We are controlled by the creatures we absorb. We are controlled by our desire to absorb. We desire a balance between good and evil, but we do not know whether the creature we absorb is good or evil until after it is absorbed. If it is evil, then our evil grows, and we go and absorb more. If it is good, and we gain too many good creatures, we eject some creatures. That way we maintain our balance._

What are you? I asked.

_When the One absorbed me, she absorbed all the creatures inside of me. These creatures were freed from me, but not from her. They sorted themselves out within her, and now I am left with what I had as a child. Innocent goodness. Only now, my desire to absorb is also gone, since I have been absorbed._

She? I asked. The One is a she?

_Our genders are determined by the number of males or females or any other type of gender we have absorbed. Currently, the One's female population outnumbers the male population. With you as an addition, the One will become more female._

But you said that the One can't absorb me, I said. You said…

_You are an odd creature, _the Three continued. _Your actions are evil, to be sure, but… well, none of us are purely evil or good in here. We vary. Sometimes we change sides, based on our actions and our words. But you… you are different. Why did you commit such acts when you knew them to be wrong? You do not justify your killings – a novelty. Why?_

Because I'm a Nadar, I said, and all of a sudden, I found myself sitting on the floor of the space ship, blinking at the bright lights, at Tom who was scowling over me, and the billowing form of the One who had ejected me.

"I cannot absorb her," the One said. "I… cannot."

Tom scowled, and then said, "But that's the only body we have."

The One swung towards him, and began to drape his black form around him, and I almost laughed at the expression on his face. The Yeerk didn't know that he would be separated from Tom once he got in there, did he.

"No," Tom gasped. "We have another body for you."

The One stopped. "It won't be another Nadar, will it? I seem to have trouble absorbing those."

"No," Tom promised. "It won't be another Nadar."

Which unlucky host would become the next sacrifice? I wondered as I marveled at the fact that my limbs were still all there, that I could feel my beating heart, even that I could feel pain.

I looked up at the One. She was standing there impassively, her eyes still emanating desire as Tom left to get a host.

You'll never find a balance, I said silently. You'll never find a balance.

And suddenly, I felt pity for her, a creature ruled by instincts and emotions, by the transient feelings that she had no control over.

It's dangerous to feel pity for a dangerous creature.

"**You know what, Ellimist? These conversations annoy me."**

"**Do they?"**

"**Yes. They do. Therefore, I am not going to have them anymore with you."**

"**If you insist, but really… Crayak? Crayak? You left _already?"_**

Review Responses

**Cheers to my sister who came up with the background for the One and how she works, and to my beta, Wraithlord42, who fixed my quite bad technical and spaceship lingo to something that is much better. :applauds:**

**A-cat **– That's alright. Thanks for getting it up though – just in time for this update. And yeah, actually, I _was _thinking of that scene in the Last Battle when I first worked out this scene for Maya. I love Lewis' books. :grins:

I'm going to use that theme in later fics… John will show up in Mayanites: Nadar and Kyan, with a major role. I do want to consistently remind the readers of Maya's Nadar side of her, so her grimmer aspect will show up, maybe unexpectedly. And yup, I got the idea to do conversations between Crayak and Ellimist from Card. I got the idea to do emails before the chapters from him as well, which I'll be doing in Nadar Chronicles 3. I love Card, too, by the way. Glad you enjoy Ender's Game – Card's other books are _amazing _as well, so I recommend them definitely. His Shadow series is really really sweet, as is his Earth series. And no, no, it wasn't inappropriate at all – it was a good idea, and actually, I was going to ask you, do you mind if I use it later? I don't have an exact place for it, but I do have something in mind.

And yeah, school is almost out, so I will be able to update more. I'm happy too. :smiles: And I don't mind your response to the random dude – I actually didn't think about his comments not being under fanfic rules. Guess I'm too used to a free for all like we have in school, or even working under disadvantages, so thanks for your support. :hugs:

**Elwing **- :blushes: Thank you! I actually don't take a creative writing class, but I've loved writing and reading since I knew how to do both, and I read a _lot_. I'd love to become an author when I grow up, but the problem is that I'll probably end up starving – there are so many people who can write better than I can, who can get paid better, and so I'm sticking to keeping writing as a hobby. And no problem – glad you got this chapter:grins:

And yeah, I love dealing with extra formats and added tidbits. I'm hoping to write some of my work in all present tense, or just stream-of-consciousness type books, just for the sake of experiment. And I've got my very loyal beta to help with the smoothness of the presentation. :smiles: And as for John… I've got lots of plans for John, and this is the seed of one of them. And sorry about the lack of updates – here's one!

**DH **– Yup, The Princess is going to be my almost darkest fic. I have some pretty dark scenes in Mayanites: Nadar and Kyan, but that's mostly because it's exploring the… darker side of human nature. Which isn't very pretty. And Tom is getting sadistic, isn't he? Glad you liked Maya's response. I'm trying to keep her Nadar-ish as possible. And as for raping scenes… I'll say cheese, with hope added to it because I don't want to spoil anything. Remember the hope, not the cheese. :grins: And yeah, I can't believe I'm still in school either. :dies: When the Chem SAT II is over… I'll be pretty much free. One more week…

**Birdie - **:smiles: Thanks for your support. And don't worry, from being one of the only social conservatives in my fairly liberal school, I deal with this all the time, so I've got plenty of practice. Here's the next chapter!

**Toby – **Me, too, actually. This fic has been one of the hardest ones to write, since I'm so very not used to writing about explicit torture.

And yeah, I'm not too bothered. It's actually more like I'm too used to such attacks to allow myself to be bothered. See… it was during middle school that I became a Christian (8th grade, to be exact). I didn't have a very fun time in middle school – dealing with racism because I was half Korean was in part the reason why I turned to God. And pretty much all high school I've been dealing with it. My friends and I debated a ton when we were underclassmen, which taught me to use my words in certain ways, and I developed a "very polite with subtly ironic undertones" tendency during my debates. We've had issues about any and all ideological topics, homosexuality being one of the more sensitive ones where I went home in tears after they told me I was a hate-filled homophobe because I didn't agree with gay marriage. (I actually always found it ironic that my straight friends and I have more ideological issues with homosexuality than I do with my gay friends, who are truly accepting of me. I think it's because my gay friends also know what it's like to have to deal with that kind of rejection and prejudice.)

But my high school years have been filled with me putting up Bible verses on my locker, only to have pretty much all of them ripped down, after insulting comments and obscene drawings were scrawled on. Eventually the students got it that I wasn't going to give up so they took it to the administration who told me I couldn't put them up anymore, while ten locker doors over there was a blatantly pro-choice poster which was somehow allowed while my beliefs were not. I learned to deal. Currently I have a SaveDarfur advertisement up about buying wristbands to help support stopping the genocide in Sudan, and that's about the only thing that hasn't been ripped down this year.

So, like I said, I'm used to it. I anticipate an attack, nervousness in my stomach grows, and I quell it, pull on a light face and laugh my way through it while responding in the same tone that I learned from my debates. Attacks from strangers are easy. What's hard to deal with is when they come from your friends.

And actually, I view atheism as a valid religion. I am a full advocate of separation of religion and government, and that includes the separation of atheism from it, as well. If you don't believe in anything, you still believe in something – you believe in that nothing. That's what the pledge of the U.S. is in a quandary. I don't believe it should say "Under God" since there are Americans who don't believe in God. However, removing it would force those Americans who do believe in God to believe in a country united under atheism. My tentative suggestion would be to replace that phrase would something under the idea of "Under our faith systems" but that gets quickly very tricky, especially if you consider the very varied faith systems that America doesn't support, such as human sacrifice. As much as people love to crow about accepting everybody, there are certain things that these all acceptors do _not _accept, including those who disagree with them. Ring a bell throughout history, hm? I accept you, _if_ you agree with me? Same philosophy, different name.

Sorry, I'm kind of blabbing. :looks sheepish: I'm sure that you weren't looking for all of this, but anyway, thanks for your review, and here's the next chapter!

**Hell-Flame-Narf **– I would enjoy that a lot, actually. I think it would be fun if I could get into a chat room with all my reviewers sometime, although our varied time zones (and my paranoia) would probably make that difficult. :grins:

Oh, let's see… I think I've got someone in mind for you. Asian male, is it okay if his name is Kim, though? He'd be a Nadar, is that okay? And sorry about the cheese comment – it's what I do instead of giving away clues to the future. :smiles: But the One is in this chapter – hope you enjoy!

**Eyes of Forest – **Tres glad that it amused you. It amused me as well. Isn't it curious, though? I always liked that saying, "the pen is mightier than the sword." Crazy the things you can do with words, the governments that fall and rise based on written text. And :hugs: back. Thanks for your review, and your support!

**Kaz – **I totally understand. Like I told Toby, this has been one of the hardest fics for me to write. And yeah, that's what I'm trying to do. Present a picture of humanity, which is most often very confused. I like to think of Maya as a picture of humanity, all in one person, and perhaps it's my personal cynicism when I have Maya tend to be more evil than good.

The definition of murder is usually tricky. I mean, are wars murder? I usually defined a war as killing, when between soldiers, but where do you cross the line? When civilians are armed, when soldiers melt in with the civilian population… another theme I'll be working with later on, when Maya tries to – oh, but I can't let it slip. Sorry. :grins:

Yeah, the idea of holding onto truths is going to be explored later, too. I love doing this you, know? And thanks! And I totally agree with you about the movie Hotel Rwanda. I'm trying to keep the feeling alive, by selling SaveDarfur wristbands at school, reminding myself of the faces of the characters in the movie who were waiting, desperate for anything to save them. It's hard, but possible.

Maya and her true love… that will have to come later on. I know, I keep saying that. :sticks out tongue: You're asking a lot of cheese provoking questions, too. (Cheese is what I say instead of giving future related answers. :grins: ) And thanks – I'm still a little surprised about how he picked that up, unless he read my other fics, especially The Shrink, which is more obvious. And I'm glad to meet you. :smiles: Here's the update!

**The random dude again - **_pathetic._

_i would rebuff you on half of your "points", but i can't be bothered and it wouldn't make any difference. you'd just get your dumb, sycophantic reviewers goin"haha kp you sure killed that dude"_

That may be so. On the other hand, in this case, it appears to me that the reason you are not answering my points is because you cannot. However, if I am wrong, certainly don't hesitate to correct me.

_it is obvious that you're a christian. anyone who can't pick up on the "subtle" evangelism throughout your fics doesn't deserve a modem._

And somehow this has suddenly turned into a sin? I don't quite understand why my "subtle" evangelism, if it is there at all, should be targeted as illegal or invalid writing material.

_all of this ":smiles:grins:" bullsht discredits you as a writer or, for that matter, a functional human being. if you need to go :look what i'm doing: in a review respons you have problems._

:laughs: To each her own. I can assure you, however, that using asterisks to show a movement or action is a common way for writers to express themselves when out of character.

_however, i will still adress your most glaringly stupid points_

Again, I am not so sure whether these points are the "glaringly stupid" ones, as you claim, or rather the only points that you can attempt to refute.

_"Also, why do you assume that as species or civilizations grow more advanced, they become more atheistic?"_

_riddle me this: history. five hundred years ago all of europe was either christian or being burned at the stake as a heretic. i think even you will concede that the human race has gotten a little mor advanced since then. so, is everyone in europe still a devout christian? hm?_

First of all, you have a number of things incorrect. You assume that because people are culturally Christian, that means they actually are. I can assure you that this is not the case, but if you doubt me, then I urge you to wait until I continue to explore this theme in Mayanites: Nadar and Kyan, so if you are still around then, you'll be able to read my explanation.

Also, I'm assuming that you say that the next more advanced step is atheism? First, could you name me one specific violent regime founded by ideological Christians? Let see...the 17th century English Protectorate is about as close as I can get and they were certainly not violent...actually they were pretty good with full freedom of religion, voting parliaments etc... mass executions: none. mass imprisonments: none. The only other two points I can think of are the Salem Witch Hunts (less than 18 dead, and more to do with parochial superstition than faith: the devout of Europe were actually the reformers who ended such hunts), and the Inquisition (again, a lot to do with secular interest but still an admitted black eye on the Spanish Catholic Church).

Let's see if we can name violent dictatorships founded by ideological atheists. Pol Pot's Cambodia (killed 1/4 the country's population in 4 years in the name of Communism's utopia), Joseph Stalin's Soviet Union (10 million purposefully starved to death, 20 million dying in sub-zero prison camps, 1 million shot in 1933 alone), Fidel Castro's Cuba (still jailing poets and authors today), Mao's China (most bloody regime in history, over 40 million killed), Hitler's Germany (they arrested and killed as many Christians as Jews and shut down churches forcing people of faith out of politics), France's Reign of Terror etc, Nokolai Ciaochesku, Kim Jong Il with his current slave labor camps that target Christians along with political dissidents… the list goes on... in just one century of these kind of secular, more "advanced" regimes, more people have been murdered, arrested, tortured than in any other ideologically-driven system of government.

You can criticize people of faith for many valid things, but it's both hackneyed and wrong to criticize them so brutishly for things they're not guilty of. In the same way, I certainly know that it is wrong and hackneyed to automatically assume that just because one is atheistic or agnostic that one has no "morals" or thinks that serial killers should be accepted as part of normal society. Most of my friends are agnostic and atheistic, and yet they don't make claims about how they are more advanced, especially with recent history and current events showing the opposite. Rather, we acknowledge the fact that our faith systems are simply different.

_thank you._

You are quite welcome.

_"I do find it amusing that the one thing you find well-written is the thing that you happen to agree with. A coincidence, perhaps?"_

_where on earth did you pull this from? all your work is well-written. the only problem is the skewed science and biology and the religious drivel. if you didn't make the animorphs so hideously out of character and if the plot wasn't qite so full of it this would be a good story._

Ah. Perhaps I misread it when you said that my writing would be only "half-decent" if I didn't "enforce Christianity" on everyone who just happens to choose to read my fics. I already explained the biology – if you don't want to research it further, that's your prerogative. My "religious drivel" as you put it, is minimal, except in The Shrink which is my most overtly Christian themed fic. I'm actually surprised that you picked it up at all. And could you give me examples of where the Animorphs are out of character? I have to admit that I have a suspicion that you characterized the Animorphs as atheists and agnostics in your mind already, so anyone who goes against that is "putting them out of character." Again, if I am wrong, please don't hesitate to correct me. And although you say that "all my work is well-written," your statements right after that claim seem to nullify this compliment.

_flame? a flame is when i go "UR SUCHA FUKIN NERD ROT ND DIE". _

And I quote: "It's been a long time since I had anything _close_ to a flame."

_the fact that anyone can even be bothered to point out the insanely bad characterisation and the obvious evangelism should make you feel better about your writing. _

Again, you make this claim about characterization which seems woefully lacking in evidence. If my aforementioned hypothesis is incorrect, please disabuse me of that notion. Also, as I stated before, I'm not quite sure why my "obvious evangelism" as you call it, should be pulled in for criticism anymore than obvious atheism, or obvious promoting of the worship of pink baboons with wings and ninja skills should be.

_obviously your reviewers are yet more of the slime who would go "this is wonderful! write more!" to a story that consisted of "rachael and tobias have teh sex nd all libed haply ever after". _

I'm afraid that you haven't done your research very well. I read the reviews that my reviewers give to other fics, and they vary according to the quality of the fic, and the quality of the chapter.

_that you have actually got a real review, instead of another kiss-ass commentary should boost your obviously huge ego. dicks like eyes of forest, birdie num num and hell-flame-narf are the kind of freaks that have sent this site to the dogs. _

And I can assure you, I am immensely flattered to be visited by such a wise and open minded reviewer as you have obviously proven yourself to be through your insightful comments. Eyes of Forest, Birdie Num Num and Hell-Flame-Narf have all given me critical criticism when they felt I needed it, and again, I'm afraid you haven't done enough research to substantiate your claim. Also, I'm going to have to ask you to refrain from insulting reviewers who at least know the difference between critiquing writing and lambasting a writer because the writer shares a different faith system.

_and you pander to them, because it seems you'll do anything at all for a review._

Could you show me, perhaps, an example of this? I have reviewers who don't believe in God, who do believe in God, and who still read and review my fics, despite whether they agree or disagree. My beta is a British atheist who edits my fics because he can separate written material from ideological differences, mostly because he is also open minded enough to do so. However, when he has had a problem with some of my more overt Christian themes, as with The Shrink, he has let me know in a polite and well mannered way.

_do you have one reviewer who isn't another braindead holy roller who'll just go "yaya good" without even reading the story? kaz456, toby hamee and dh l'orange seem to be the most intelligent and sensible, but if they;ve said one bad thing about your fic i'd be surprised._

:shakes head: Again, I'm afraid that your research is lacking. It is rather difficult to comment on the content of the fic (as the aforementioned reviewers have done) without reading it. And the reviewers you mention in this paragraph do consistently give me critical advice – you _do_ read their reviews before putting forth such claims, don't you?

_i've wasted too much time on laughing at your story. _

And here I thought you said it was well-written.

_now off you go and get your dumb reviewers to go "OMG RANDOM DUDE YOU SO EVIL" like a good little egomaniacal twerp._

Contrary to what you may wish to believe, my reviewers do what they want. If you cannot understand why they might view you as, at the very least, rude and thoughtless, then it'll take much more than me to change your view.

_hope your god gives you the fulfillment you evidently can't get out of real life._

:grins: Thank you! Such a kind hope. But I wonder where you got the impression that I can't get fulfillment out of real life?

And also, thank you for your review. However, I don't think we're going to get much communicating done this way. Your reviews appear to reveal your attitude that atheism, or at least a lack of definite faith in God, is the only and best way to live, and that any person who disagrees with this religion is evil and stupid and can't do anything well. You are certainly welcome to have your own opinions; however, I disagree with both views, and can only urge you to set up your own fics that are sympathetic to your religious viewpoints. That's what having a free press is all about. You cannot tell me to stop my writing because you disagree, but you can write to me to tell me that you disagree, and you can set up opposing sites. I have never read any of your writing, so I can't compare, but if you do have fics up, please tell me what your pen name is.

Also, I'm fairly sure that it isn't making you happy to give reviews to a fic that you disagree with, so if you would like, we can continue through email. If, however, you have no problem with continuing to correspond through reviews and review responses, then I will be happy to do so as well.

Cheers!


	7. Chapter 7

"_Okay." Jake took a deep breath. He looked around the bridge at each of us. At Tobias. At me. At Oscar, who had a freakishly excited grin on his face. "What was it, Marco? 'Crazy, reckless, ruthless decisions'?"_

_I nodded, wishing I had kept my mouth shut._

_There was a dangerous smile on Jake's face._

_Rachel's smile._

"_Full emergency power to the engines," Jake said. "Ram the Blade ship."_

_- Marco, The Beginning_

Chapter 7:

It had been a month exactly since the day Rachel died.

One month. Thirty days. 720 hours. 43,200 minutes. 2,592,000 seconds, give or take.

I was trying not to cry, trying to hold in tears of helpless frustration. Having the One eject me hadn't been such a good thing after all – it had only meant that Tom went back to torturing me.

Tom… his Yeerk… his Yeerk had surprised me, actually. Instead of giving a host to the One to absorb, he had given up one of the Yeerks. "A troublemaker," Tom had told me. "I had thought he hated the Visser, when it turned out he hated anyone above him."

And so I wondered. Was the balance maintained in the One? Or had that Yeerk been evil, causing the One to desire more?

I didn't have very much time to wonder, though, between my regular torture sessions. Frustrated with how I hadn't broken, frightened by my seeming indifference at the death of children, upset because the One had rejected me because I was a Nadar, Tom had not been very nice.

I was kneeling, hands chained to the wall behind me, my feet also chained in the same way. Tom leaned down, and traced his fingers over my face.

For a moment, I wondered about that other somebody who had traced his fingers over my face. I could still feel the light touch, the promise of hope… hope that was dying, but hope that I was clinging onto even now.

Tom leaned over and kissed me roughly, again and again, and I responded, knowing that there was nothing I could do. My tears came loose out of my eyes, and we kissed salty water, the Yeerk and his prisoner.

"Get up," Tom's mouth ordered me. "We're going to have some fun tonight."

The feeling of dreaded anticipation grew in me, and I pulled away, and he laughed. He knew. He had set this up, set it all up so that a month of growing anxiety would explode into this certain terror.

Is this how you felt? I whispered to Mamai, who was dead.

Numbly, I didn't resist as Tom unchained me, and I obeyed as he led me over to the edge of the ship, by the protruding, thick pipe that was still there, that had been there all these days. He pulled out more chains (would I ever be rid of these metal objects?) and began to place them on me. My hands first, big thick chains that were three times the thickness of my wrists, were placed on my wrists that were held in front of me. A collar, with a leading chain attached to it was placed around my neck.

Tom started to place shackles on my feet, probably intending to force me to stumble to wherever he was going, when the miracle happened.

WHUMF.

A sound I recognized as being something hitting the ship reached my ears at the same instant that the ship's compensators failed and sent it whirling through empty space. Tom looked at me in a panic and fell backwards, his head slamming into the protruding pipe. The inertial dampers were out. Not only was the ship now spinning through space, it _felt_ like it, too.

I reacted instantly, years of training and instinct leaping to the front in this time of opportunity. I lifted my chained wrists, and with a punishing blow, I crashed the metal into his head, knocking him out.

I began breathing quickly, the adrenaline rushing to my blood. Gotta get out of here, I ordered myself. Gotta run.

But I'm taking Tom with me.

I quickly ripped off a strip of my tattered pink shirt and managed to tie it around Tom's head to keep the Yeerk from coming out and escaping. I then used the leading chain coming from my collar to tie his hands together. Once that was done, I pulled Tom's hands over my neck, and pulled my own arms around his torso. There. My adrenaline would give me the strength to carry him.

I couldn't run, but I moved as quickly as I could, towards the escape pods. Have to get out of here, I said to myself almost feverishly. Have to get out.

I thought of morphing, but knew that the morph sensors would track me down, and furthermore, I knew that the ship's inbuilt security systems would prevent me from even trying. Can't waste time. Gotta run.

I picked up speed, still almost delirious with the fact that there was a chance of escape, when I bowled into someone and fell directly on the floor, with Tom on top of me. I panicked – we were all tied up, what was I going to do they were going to take me back and

"Maya?" a voice said, and I fought through Tom's hair to catch a glimpse of the same young man that had brought me the bandage when I had first gotten onto the Blade Ship. Jeremy, that was his name.

I gritted my teeth. I knew that pleading for mercy would do nothing.

Then, surprisingly, Jeremy reached out and touched my face, his fingers barely stroking my cheek.

And I knew his touch.

I stared at him, and he stared back at me.

"Help me," I begged, still trapped underneath Tom's body, and Jeremy grabbed both of us, and propped us up.

"Here," he said, removing a pill from his pocket. "Swallow this."

I swallowed it quickly, while he instructed me in his accented voice. "Follow me. We'll head for the ship's pool and free some other hosts. There's an escape ship on here that can fit about thirty people. We'll escape with as many as we can."

"What's going on?" I asked in a whisper. "What was it that hit the ship?"

"We're under attack," he whispered back. "All the other Yeerks are at battle stations. I came down to find you."

I looked up at him, but couldn't discern what his motive was. Why was he doing this for me? Wasn't he a Yeerk?

As if reading my mind, he responded. "Yes, I am a Yeerk. Jeremy is my host. There really isn't time right now to go into how we met or who we are or why we're working together, but please, trust me. Trust _us_."

I remembered the touch of his finger, a touch that had given me hope when I had none, and I trusted it.

We sped along the emptied hallways, Jeremy leading the way as we pulled closer and closer to the Yeerk pool inside the Blade Ship. At the doorway we stopped, and he placed his thumb on the ID pad that was outside, and told the computer, "I am bringing in the prisoner for a demonstration. I assume my clearance is still high enough?"

It was. The Controller ushered me in and then I stood for a moment, smelling the familiar odor of the Yeerk pool and listening to the sounds of the cries of the hosts.

They haven't given up yet, I said, grimly satisfied. Even in space, where there is no hope to be had. They haven't given up yet. A month wasn't enough to break them… or me.

Then, quite casually, Jeremy pulled drew a Dracon beam from a holster strapped to his thigh, and nonchalantly blasted the guards with deadly energy beams.

I watched in fascination as the young man decimated the guards in a hail of Dracon fire, every lancing beam landing dead on the hapless Controllers. He never paused, never hesitated, and never missed.

Jeremy turned back to me after he was done, and helped pull Tom off of me. Tom fell to the floor in a heap, almost dragging me down with him since his tied hands were still attached to my collar chain, but the young man solved the problem that situation by slicing the chain in two with a Dracon blast.

I stood slowly, my hands in front of me, breathing deeply. Through blackened eyes I looked at the scared hosts as this Jeremy blasted the cages' locks with his Dracon beam.

Jeremy then turned towards me. "I'm going to shoot through your wrist chains," he said simply. "But I can only do it without disintegrating your hands if I shoot one off and leave the other one there."

I looked at him warily. What he had just suggested was rather risky, and since I didn't know when the next time I could morph would be, I wasn't sure…

"I never miss," he offered, and then I laughed, laughed at the craziness of everything that had happened in my life in general and the last few minutes in particular.

For the giddiness of hope had started to blossom. The seed had been there all along, but now, it was blooming.

"Yes." Yes. Yes. Yes.

He shot true, as promised, and I lifted my hands apart, raising them slowly into the air. My left hand still had a chain around it, my shirt was ripped, my entire body was bloodstained, my hair was matted and filthy, my face had too many bruises to count, my teeth were knocked out, my arms and back and legs were covered in welts.

I was beautiful.

I turned toward the freed hosts, hosts who were looking at me eagerly, eyes shining. They were looking to me.

I raised both fists into the air. "Let's do it."

* * *

We ran. 

All thirty some of us, freed hosts, escaped prisoners, two other Controllers who were on our side along with Jeremy and his Yeerk. Jeremy led the way, his Dracon beam cutting down armed crewmen, and the rest of us running as fast as we could, while one of the stronger hosts was carrying Tom.

I was running with my cut feet, and so I stumbled, only to be pulled up by a beautiful blonde-haired girl at my side. Startled I turned to look at her, my mouth forming the name _Rachel?_

"No, not Rachel," she said grimly, holding me up. "Remember me?"

I stared, not believing my eyes.

"My Yeerk died in the tunnel," she said, her voice surprisingly devoid of emotion. "I survived. I was given a new Yeerk, and my prosthetic body was repaired. When the Yeerks got the morphing power, my Yeerk jumped at the chance."

Taylor. Taylor. Stunning, twisted Taylor.

I noticed that she was carrying John on her back, and I almost faltered again. How had she _changed_ so much?

Taylor's grip kept me going as all of us ran, when her low voice almost stopped me again. "I have the morphing cube."

I turned to stare at her, but she refused to look at me. The pounding on the Blade Ship increased, and I almost had to shout over the noise, "WHAT!"

"I stole it," she said simply, but didn't have time to elaborate because by then Jeremy was urging us forward, telling us to _run! Run! We're almost there! Run!_

I forced my feet faster, and we picked up speed as the holding area for the ship that Jeremy had spoken of appeared. _We have to get out of here…_

With a speed born of desperation we piled into the ship. I tore towards the cockpit, knowing that we had very little time to blast out of there, when an Asian woman ran into me.

"Hiya, I'm Keav and I'm going to be your pilot for today," she grinned by way of greeting, and then with a skill and assurance that I had never seen, she swiftly engineered the ship into mode ready to lift off.

"The shields have been disabled by whoever's attacking the Blade Ship," Keav explained as she confirmed that all passengers were on. She then spoke to the ship, "All power to engines for liftoff."

The computer confirmed her order, and I watched with delight as Keav blew through the holding area, engines roaring.

We lifted out into the starlit sky and left the Blade Ship behind us.

* * *

I ran back into the main hold where people were cheering and screaming, hugging each other as they openly wept and prayed and danced for joy. When I stepped in, they all surged around me, each struggling to touch me, to call my name, to thank me for holding on. 

Dazed, I managed to struggle through to where Tom was, still unconscious but stirring. I looked at him, and impulsively I grabbed him and shouted through the pink strip that was still over his head, "TOM! WE'RE FREE!" before taking my left wrist and slamming the metal into his head to knock him out once more.

I stood up, and suddenly was picked up by a group of hosts who had made their way towards me. They lifted me to a group of boxes where I could stand up and speak to the waiting, adoring crowd.

I looked out at them, and my heart was bursting with joy, and I looked out and saw that every single one of them was a Nadar.

Then.

_A Nadar army. Greater than any army seen before. An army… with me at its head._

A voice rose above all others and shouted, "Let her be our War-Princess, as the Andalites have!" and the crowd picked it up, and began chanting, _PRINCESS MAYA! PRINCESS MAYA! PRINCESS MAYA! PRINCESS MAYA!_

I lifted my hands slowly in the air, and then thrust them upward, looking out at my People.

Oh, Mamai! I cried, my arms straight upright as the crowd continued to shout my name. Oh, Osgaron, look at me! I was the despised, ugly Elemaki, and look – they're calling me their Princess! Oh, Mamai, Osgaron, your love was so beautiful.

Look, Eun-hee! Look, Anna! Look, all my children! I loved you and you loved me and I fought for you and you died for me – look!

I'm _alive! _And I'm _free!_

**Review Responses**

And again, I'd like to thank Wraithlord42 for fixing my technical spaceship language to make it much better. (I'm going to be depending on you for that from now on, just to let you know.) :grins:

And I'm done! Moving onto The Nadar Chronicles III: Somolonania. Keep your eyes open!

**A-cat **– Glad you liked the One. Becky and I were playing with ideas, tossing them around, and these ideas turned into what I wrote down, so it's hard to say who thought up what, but I definitely couldn't have done it without her.

Ah, sorry about the confusion. I was trying to paint a picture of Maya as not totally evil, in the sense that she realizes that what she does is wrong, but doesn't know how to stop. She thinks she is committed to this path. And Matthew… another human, inside the One. Who he really is will come up later. :grins: CHEESE!

And bodily questions are answered here – no Yeerks are freed up, although that would have been interesting to play with. And yeah, no more Crayak/Ellimist conversations, but it's only one chapter without them. I wanted to end this chapter the way it ended, so I had to think of a way to end those conversations, and Chapter 6 is what came up. Glad you enjoyed them, though!

Maya _is _a dangerous creature. She sounds really mean, too. I probably would either not like her if I met her in school or be scared of her. She sounds like the type of slacker who does well in school anyway, and that has always annoyed me. :smiles: And seriously, don't worry about it. I thought it was perfectly related, since we were talking about torture sequences.

Yeah, random dudes can get annoying. But like I told Toby in my last review response, I'm quite used to it. Stuff like what we were talking about in our emails. And he calling me ego-maniacal was funny! I loved it when he talked about how my ego should be bigger now that I got a "real review" or his review. It's fun to respond to stuff like that, actually – polite, intellectual, and just the tiniest bit ironic. :grins:

**Kaz456 – **Maya being evil is something that I'll work out more, hopefully in a less confusing way. I meant that humanity is most often confused. When I step back and look at the world at large it seems terribly confused. Mostly evil, too, actually. And as I told A-cat, "I was trying to paint a picture of Maya as not totally evil, in the sense that she realizes that what she does is wrong, but doesn't know how to stop. She thinks she is committed to this path."

So whether that excuses her not is what needs to be explored. Personally, I agree with everything you said in your review. I think that it doesn't excuse her, and that she needs to wake up. But how to wake her up, whether she does or not, is what I'll write about. And yes, I am a very cheesy author. :grins:

:blinks at your guess: OH. OH.

Now, that guess has me blinking and going OH for a number of reasons. I can't explain why right now, but I guess I can tell you that it was because for a while I had chosen Tobias, and that Tobias was actually always the "runner-up." And now there is something else between Tobias and Maya that had me blinking, but that's definitely something I have to answer with cheese. :grins:

And thanks! I actually have your fic sent to my inbox, but I haven't had a chance to review yet, since I wanted to review it thoroughly, but never fear, I will be there soon. And thanks for your review!

**H-F-N **­– Okay, that's cool. You'll come up in Nadar Chronicles Three, which is next! And I will put in more about the One in Nadar Chronicles Three as well. And I have the One not accepting Maya because she is too confused: "I was trying to paint a picture of Maya as not totally evil, in the sense that she realizes that what she does is wrong, but doesn't know how to stop. She thinks she is committed to this path." And yeah, I had them stop talking because I wanted to end this chapter the way I did, and so they had to go. :grins:

**F-O-L **– I prefer not to dwell on it too much. And no, I think you've given me reviews as you see fit, which is what it's about. And yeah, I'm ending the conversations because I wanted to end the chapter the way it did, so they had to go. :smiles: And thanks! I can't get these published since they're too close to fanfic, but my later fics, while still fanfic, are further away so I could maybe work something out there.

**Birdie **– Yes. :grins: And thanks!

**Beekiller **– I missed you on my last chapter – so answering your review here. Glad you liked how Maya worked her way through!

**I'm updating rather early because I want to get this chapter in before the new system goes up, just in the case that it messes things up for a bit. I know reviews won't come today since the system is down, but for now, enjoy!**


End file.
